(no subject)
Sep. 23rd, 2023 05:16 pmEven though I knew it wasn't going to be the job I worked forever, I loved working at the library. It was peaceful most of the time, except when the kids got a little wild, and there was a lot of organizing, which I found I liked more than I had ever expected I would.
It was probably part of why Eddie loved me so much, I thought, grinning to myself as I shelved the books I had on my cart. Eddie liked to be organized and I was very good at it.
But the library was calm, especially on a Saturday afternoon nearing close, and as I finished with my books and pushed my cart back toward the front checkout counter, I wasn't properly paying attention to where I was going. Admittedly, I was distracted. I was almost in a meditative state, having been on my own for the past hour, simply shelving over and over, the motion calming. I was also ready to leave, thinking about the evening ahead and what I might do, when I turned a corner and nearly rammed my cart directly into someone.
"Oh," I said, then sharply yanked the cart back just before I hit the other man. "Oh no, I'm so sorry. Did I hit you?"
I was almost certain I hadn't, but I needed to be sure.
It was probably part of why Eddie loved me so much, I thought, grinning to myself as I shelved the books I had on my cart. Eddie liked to be organized and I was very good at it.
But the library was calm, especially on a Saturday afternoon nearing close, and as I finished with my books and pushed my cart back toward the front checkout counter, I wasn't properly paying attention to where I was going. Admittedly, I was distracted. I was almost in a meditative state, having been on my own for the past hour, simply shelving over and over, the motion calming. I was also ready to leave, thinking about the evening ahead and what I might do, when I turned a corner and nearly rammed my cart directly into someone.
"Oh," I said, then sharply yanked the cart back just before I hit the other man. "Oh no, I'm so sorry. Did I hit you?"
I was almost certain I hadn't, but I needed to be sure.
[christmas eve]
Dec. 18th, 2022 12:19 pmIt was Christmas Eve and I was fairly certain I was going out of my mind with anxiety and excitement.
I had told Eddie we were just going to Kagura for dinner. Earlier in the day, I had gone up without him, checked in, and I had taken our bags, the ones I packed the night before without him noticing. In my own bag was the ring I had settled on, the ring that had jumped out at me long before I expected it would have. In early November, I had promised myself I was just looking. Waiting for the right ring.
By the first of December, I had found it.
It was simple, beautifully polished wood. Simple, but personal. In the end, I hadn't even found it in a jewelry store, but at a small Christmas market, where people were selling their handmade items. This ring was the only one like it, the swirls of the wood making it completely unique. And it felt right.
But our bags and the ring were all waiting in our room. Right now, as we entered Kagura, Eddie only thought we were coming for dinner.
And we were. We could order room service if we wanted to. I expected we would. Maybe even champagne. As we approached the front doors, Eddie's hand in mine, I was glad all over again that I had carefully saved and budgeted for this. I wanted it to be special and I didn't want either of us to have to worry about anything.
I had told Eddie we were just going to Kagura for dinner. Earlier in the day, I had gone up without him, checked in, and I had taken our bags, the ones I packed the night before without him noticing. In my own bag was the ring I had settled on, the ring that had jumped out at me long before I expected it would have. In early November, I had promised myself I was just looking. Waiting for the right ring.
By the first of December, I had found it.
It was simple, beautifully polished wood. Simple, but personal. In the end, I hadn't even found it in a jewelry store, but at a small Christmas market, where people were selling their handmade items. This ring was the only one like it, the swirls of the wood making it completely unique. And it felt right.
But our bags and the ring were all waiting in our room. Right now, as we entered Kagura, Eddie only thought we were coming for dinner.
And we were. We could order room service if we wanted to. I expected we would. Maybe even champagne. As we approached the front doors, Eddie's hand in mine, I was glad all over again that I had carefully saved and budgeted for this. I wanted it to be special and I didn't want either of us to have to worry about anything.
(no subject)
Dec. 2nd, 2022 05:29 pmA lot of the time I had a difficult time really communicating my feelings. I knew anger and I knew love, I knew happiness and sadness, but trying to put those things into words wasn't always easy for me. It was better than it used to be, I was better. I had a therapist and I was older and it wasn't that I was angry with myself right now for not being able to articulate everything I felt.
I just knew I wanted to get it right.
Elio wouldn't judge me, though, if I struggled. Elio never judged me. It was truly what having a real brother was like, even without having ever had one, I could say that with certainty. I just knew.
Which is why I was there. I showed up at the bookstore after hours, but went up the stairs on the side of the building that led to the outside door of the apartment upstairs. Elio knew I was coming, but I still didn't just burst in. I knocked politely, then put my cold hand in my pocket and waited for him to let me in.
I still didn't know how to say what I was feeling, but Elio would help me figure it out.
And I had brought him dinner.
I just knew I wanted to get it right.
Elio wouldn't judge me, though, if I struggled. Elio never judged me. It was truly what having a real brother was like, even without having ever had one, I could say that with certainty. I just knew.
Which is why I was there. I showed up at the bookstore after hours, but went up the stairs on the side of the building that led to the outside door of the apartment upstairs. Elio knew I was coming, but I still didn't just burst in. I knocked politely, then put my cold hand in my pocket and waited for him to let me in.
I still didn't know how to say what I was feeling, but Elio would help me figure it out.
And I had brought him dinner.
(no subject)
Sep. 4th, 2022 08:39 pmA week into my classes at Barton and I was still incredibly excited to be there.
Being at college was different than high school. The students wanted to be there, for the most part, and despite what my high school teachers had said, it seemed like the professors were much more relaxed. They expected things of us, of course, but in general, I felt like I was going to have a better time at college than I'd had in high school.
I'd meant to start earlier, but with my injury, it had seemed smarter to put it off until the fall. Eddie started at the same time as I did, which I liked, too. For the first time, we were approaching this new stage together rather than one of us having to jump in before the other.
A week in, though, my class on early childhood education had thrown me. The topic of student teaching was brought up and we discussed what it would mean, how we would be placed, where we would be going, and what would be expected of us. At the end of the class, though, my professor had asked me to stay behind and then, gently, had asked what I might want the students to call me.
It was only then I realized what he meant. All my teachers had been called by their last name. Some of the professors didn't ask us to do the same thing here, but others did.
I didn't have a last name. I didn't remember what it was.
As I unlocked the apartment door and set down my bag, I was still thinking about it. Beverly had suggested maybe I would want to make a last name for myself, but I wasn't sure how to do that, what to choose. It felt strange, trying to just pick a name that fit me.
I was distracted as I came in, but I still walked to where Eddie was sitting and kissed the top of his head in greeting.
"Hullo," I said, still thinking. "How were your classes today?"
Being at college was different than high school. The students wanted to be there, for the most part, and despite what my high school teachers had said, it seemed like the professors were much more relaxed. They expected things of us, of course, but in general, I felt like I was going to have a better time at college than I'd had in high school.
I'd meant to start earlier, but with my injury, it had seemed smarter to put it off until the fall. Eddie started at the same time as I did, which I liked, too. For the first time, we were approaching this new stage together rather than one of us having to jump in before the other.
A week in, though, my class on early childhood education had thrown me. The topic of student teaching was brought up and we discussed what it would mean, how we would be placed, where we would be going, and what would be expected of us. At the end of the class, though, my professor had asked me to stay behind and then, gently, had asked what I might want the students to call me.
It was only then I realized what he meant. All my teachers had been called by their last name. Some of the professors didn't ask us to do the same thing here, but others did.
I didn't have a last name. I didn't remember what it was.
As I unlocked the apartment door and set down my bag, I was still thinking about it. Beverly had suggested maybe I would want to make a last name for myself, but I wasn't sure how to do that, what to choose. It felt strange, trying to just pick a name that fit me.
I was distracted as I came in, but I still walked to where Eddie was sitting and kissed the top of his head in greeting.
"Hullo," I said, still thinking. "How were your classes today?"
(no subject)
Oct. 5th, 2021 01:08 pm"It isn't me," I insisted, my face warm and red, as a young woman shoved a magazine in my face and asked me to sign it.
The magazine was the one Elio had done the photoshoot for, the October issue of Darrow News & Review, and for whatever reason, it was like the magazine cover with Elio on it had suddenly resulted in many more people realizing he and I looked alike. Even though we were terribly different in so many ways, our faces were nearly identical and people were taking notice.
"Oh, come on," the young woman says. She's a stranger, I've never met her before, and she rolls her eyes in an expansive way that make mine hurt just thinking about it. "This is obviously you, so just sign it."
"It isn't," I said again, feeling oddly meek. How strange that I could fight pirates and kill them, swim with sharks and keep just out of reach of ferocious mermaids, but I couldn't stand up to this woman who wanted Elio's autograph.
Then, from the corner of my eye, I spotted a familiar face. "Bill!" I called, practically begging. "Bill, please tell her I'm not Elio."
The magazine was the one Elio had done the photoshoot for, the October issue of Darrow News & Review, and for whatever reason, it was like the magazine cover with Elio on it had suddenly resulted in many more people realizing he and I looked alike. Even though we were terribly different in so many ways, our faces were nearly identical and people were taking notice.
"Oh, come on," the young woman says. She's a stranger, I've never met her before, and she rolls her eyes in an expansive way that make mine hurt just thinking about it. "This is obviously you, so just sign it."
"It isn't," I said again, feeling oddly meek. How strange that I could fight pirates and kill them, swim with sharks and keep just out of reach of ferocious mermaids, but I couldn't stand up to this woman who wanted Elio's autograph.
Then, from the corner of my eye, I spotted a familiar face. "Bill!" I called, practically begging. "Bill, please tell her I'm not Elio."
(no subject)
Dec. 9th, 2020 06:51 pmBit by bit, the flat started to feel more and more like home.
Until Eddie had joined me, I had felt restless, unable to settle whenever I was alone, uncertain of how I should set things up or where I should put anything. Before he was able to officially move in, I rearranged the furniture in the living room three times and the furniture in the bedroom had been in complete disarray when he arrived. It hadn't felt right, making any of those decisions without him.
It was lucky for me that he was much better at being organized than I was. I was neat and I liked things to go in their place, I liked to make sure our belongings were put away, but it was Eddie who had made sense of where things ought to go.
I'd never had a home like this before. Even before Peter. My memories of the home where I lived with my parents were often fragmented and I could never put them together to get a real sense of what it had been like, but I knew it was small. Cold. Dirty. No matter how hard my mother scrubbed, it was never clean enough. I remembered my fingers and toes being cold all the time. Finding it difficult to sleep because the bed was hard and the draft never stopped.
This was home, though. A real home.
As I unlocked the door and came inside after a shift at the library, I put my keys in the bowl by the door, then took off my shoes and put them away in the closet.
"Hi!" I called to Eddie. "I brought food home."
I had burgers in a bag, stopping by one of the really good places on a whim while driving home.
Until Eddie had joined me, I had felt restless, unable to settle whenever I was alone, uncertain of how I should set things up or where I should put anything. Before he was able to officially move in, I rearranged the furniture in the living room three times and the furniture in the bedroom had been in complete disarray when he arrived. It hadn't felt right, making any of those decisions without him.
It was lucky for me that he was much better at being organized than I was. I was neat and I liked things to go in their place, I liked to make sure our belongings were put away, but it was Eddie who had made sense of where things ought to go.
I'd never had a home like this before. Even before Peter. My memories of the home where I lived with my parents were often fragmented and I could never put them together to get a real sense of what it had been like, but I knew it was small. Cold. Dirty. No matter how hard my mother scrubbed, it was never clean enough. I remembered my fingers and toes being cold all the time. Finding it difficult to sleep because the bed was hard and the draft never stopped.
This was home, though. A real home.
As I unlocked the door and came inside after a shift at the library, I put my keys in the bowl by the door, then took off my shoes and put them away in the closet.
"Hi!" I called to Eddie. "I brought food home."
I had burgers in a bag, stopping by one of the really good places on a whim while driving home.
(no subject)
Oct. 15th, 2020 01:24 pmEast Hallow was... well, it was an odd place. Even now, weeks after it had suddenly opened up to us all, I wasn't particularly sure if I liked it. The entire village seemed to be slowly shifting toward something else, something a little more sinister, something that felt like whispers on a cold wind warning me of something darker. I knew Halloween was meant to be fun, so I was trying to take it all in stride, viewing the slumped and eerie jack-o-lanterns as a neat and spooky effect, but I was a little on edge.
More on edge now, I realized, because Richie and I had lost Eddie somewhere in the crowd. We were heading to the corn maze and he knew we were going there, so I assumed he would just meet us when he managed to make his way through the crowd. It seemed like everyone in Darrow was here to celebrate Halloween, which made sense, as East Hallow had asserted itself right off as the place for it.
Still, I wished Eddie was with us as Richie and I got to the start of the corn maze.
Before I realized what was happening, we were being ushered into the maze as part of another group and none of my protests that we were waiting for someone were heeded. We were caught up in the flow of the group, only able to stop once they'd split off into different directions, laughing and shrieking as they headed off into the dark.
"Eddie's not going to like that we didn't wait for him," I said, although this seemed like it might be a good time to ask Richie about something that had been weighing on me. Only a little, I wasn't really angry about it, but my curiosity was getting the best of me. How many people really knew I was a man called Captain Hook?
More on edge now, I realized, because Richie and I had lost Eddie somewhere in the crowd. We were heading to the corn maze and he knew we were going there, so I assumed he would just meet us when he managed to make his way through the crowd. It seemed like everyone in Darrow was here to celebrate Halloween, which made sense, as East Hallow had asserted itself right off as the place for it.
Still, I wished Eddie was with us as Richie and I got to the start of the corn maze.
Before I realized what was happening, we were being ushered into the maze as part of another group and none of my protests that we were waiting for someone were heeded. We were caught up in the flow of the group, only able to stop once they'd split off into different directions, laughing and shrieking as they headed off into the dark.
"Eddie's not going to like that we didn't wait for him," I said, although this seemed like it might be a good time to ask Richie about something that had been weighing on me. Only a little, I wasn't really angry about it, but my curiosity was getting the best of me. How many people really knew I was a man called Captain Hook?
(no subject)
Jun. 28th, 2020 11:30 amI was realizing a little too late that I had no idea what to wear to a wedding.
I knew Elio would have helped me if I asked, but I didn't want to bother him, not when I knew wedding planning took a lot of work. This was something I could do on my own, even if I felt strange and uncomfortable doing so. All it required was a bit of confidence.
Normally I was pretty confident. I didn't care what people thought of me for the most part and I wasn't embarrassed to try new things, but as I stood outside of the store that sold suits and ties, I felt terribly out of place. I felt very young and very inexperienced and I knew if I walked inside on my own, the people who worked there would laugh at me behind their hands and probably try to sell me something I couldn't afford.
With a sigh, I rubbed my hands over my face and took a deep breath, trying to steel myself. I could do this. I wasn't going to run away.
I was convinced of this right up until I saw Lisbeth's reflection in the window and then I turned so quickly I almost fell over a woman walking her dog directly behind me. With a quick, but profuse apology for her, I stepped away from the store and moved in Lisbeth's direction, absolutely grateful for this save.
"Hi," I said, a little breathless. "I'm really glad to see you."
I knew Elio would have helped me if I asked, but I didn't want to bother him, not when I knew wedding planning took a lot of work. This was something I could do on my own, even if I felt strange and uncomfortable doing so. All it required was a bit of confidence.
Normally I was pretty confident. I didn't care what people thought of me for the most part and I wasn't embarrassed to try new things, but as I stood outside of the store that sold suits and ties, I felt terribly out of place. I felt very young and very inexperienced and I knew if I walked inside on my own, the people who worked there would laugh at me behind their hands and probably try to sell me something I couldn't afford.
With a sigh, I rubbed my hands over my face and took a deep breath, trying to steel myself. I could do this. I wasn't going to run away.
I was convinced of this right up until I saw Lisbeth's reflection in the window and then I turned so quickly I almost fell over a woman walking her dog directly behind me. With a quick, but profuse apology for her, I stepped away from the store and moved in Lisbeth's direction, absolutely grateful for this save.
"Hi," I said, a little breathless. "I'm really glad to see you."
happy birthday, eddie spaghetti
May. 2nd, 2020 12:09 pmToday was Eddie's sixteenth birthday.
Richie had come to me awhile back with plans for a party and together we had worked out the details to make today something special for Eddie. It felt good, planning with Richie like that, and I was glad we were able to do it. Besides, I had never really planned a party before. My birthday the year before had mostly been planned by Magnus, who was better with parties than anyone else I knew, so I was more than happy to let Richie tell me what to do and how to do it.
The party was held in the park, as we both agreed that would be more fun than trying to arrange something in the Home, all the while having to step over the littler kids and stepping around all the workers and volunteers. They were nice enough, but this was a big birthday and we didn't need their help.
We decorated one of those shelters, then dragged a few picnic tables into it so we could all be near one another when it came time for cake. There were streamers and balloons, mostly in blues and greens, bright and cheerful looking in the park. The cake itself was huge, at least to my eyes, and Richie had insisted it say HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDDIE SPAGHETTI! in big, bright letters across the top. He had also asked at the party store for trick candles, which we had been given, even though he'd asked for them in an unrecognizable accent that had sent me into fits of laughter.
I had a pack of matches in my pocket to light the candles when the time came, though I wasn't sure what sort of trick they might do, and Richie had refused to tell me. I had Eddie's gift prepared, we had the food and the soft drinks ready for everyone to dig into, and all we needed now was Eddie himself.
I grinned over at Richie, pleased with what we'd done. It was going to be a good day.
Richie had come to me awhile back with plans for a party and together we had worked out the details to make today something special for Eddie. It felt good, planning with Richie like that, and I was glad we were able to do it. Besides, I had never really planned a party before. My birthday the year before had mostly been planned by Magnus, who was better with parties than anyone else I knew, so I was more than happy to let Richie tell me what to do and how to do it.
The party was held in the park, as we both agreed that would be more fun than trying to arrange something in the Home, all the while having to step over the littler kids and stepping around all the workers and volunteers. They were nice enough, but this was a big birthday and we didn't need their help.
We decorated one of those shelters, then dragged a few picnic tables into it so we could all be near one another when it came time for cake. There were streamers and balloons, mostly in blues and greens, bright and cheerful looking in the park. The cake itself was huge, at least to my eyes, and Richie had insisted it say HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDDIE SPAGHETTI! in big, bright letters across the top. He had also asked at the party store for trick candles, which we had been given, even though he'd asked for them in an unrecognizable accent that had sent me into fits of laughter.
I had a pack of matches in my pocket to light the candles when the time came, though I wasn't sure what sort of trick they might do, and Richie had refused to tell me. I had Eddie's gift prepared, we had the food and the soft drinks ready for everyone to dig into, and all we needed now was Eddie himself.
I grinned over at Richie, pleased with what we'd done. It was going to be a good day.
(no subject)
Mar. 22nd, 2020 12:33 pmI tended to sneak out a lot less these days than I had when I first arrived in Darrow. For the most part I slept better, I felt more comfortable, and I wasn't as jumpy as I had once been, but every so often I still grew restless at night. I wanted to run through fields and stretch my legs. I wanted to swim with mermaids and fight pirates, my dagger slashing through the air. I didn't want to go back to the Island, not ever, but sometimes I wanted to be that boy again.
It wasn't possible in Darrow, but I still knew I needed to get out. I texted Beverly, asking if she'd want to meet me, because right from the start, she had been the one I escaped with. We had snuck out together, wandering the streets late at night, and it still felt right, that she be the one I go with when I felt like this.
I slipped out with ease, though not before I folded a note into Eddie's hand so he knew where I had gone if he woke up and found me missing.
Even with spring approaching, the night was cool and refreshing, and I exhaled deeply once I was outside on the street. Immediately I began to feel better, and I walked slowly, taking care to stretch my arms and legs as I went, wandering toward Beverly's apartment to meet her.
I didn't know what we might do, but I assumed we would find something.
It wasn't possible in Darrow, but I still knew I needed to get out. I texted Beverly, asking if she'd want to meet me, because right from the start, she had been the one I escaped with. We had snuck out together, wandering the streets late at night, and it still felt right, that she be the one I go with when I felt like this.
I slipped out with ease, though not before I folded a note into Eddie's hand so he knew where I had gone if he woke up and found me missing.
Even with spring approaching, the night was cool and refreshing, and I exhaled deeply once I was outside on the street. Immediately I began to feel better, and I walked slowly, taking care to stretch my arms and legs as I went, wandering toward Beverly's apartment to meet her.
I didn't know what we might do, but I assumed we would find something.
(no subject)
Mar. 21st, 2020 01:39 pm"They gave me a list," I announced as I walked into Eddie's room, glad to find it otherwise empty, and then flung myself facedown on his bed.
I knew that wasn't going to make sense to him. I hadn't even been aware of the ambush before it was suddenly happening and three of the volunteers were pulling me into the kitchen of the Home to sit down and make a list with me. My eighteenth birthday was still months away and I had decided to focus on school before even beginning to worry about leaving, but apparently that wasn't going to be as easy as I thought.
The volunteers wanted to help me. They wanted to make sure I was prepared. So now I had a list. I wished they understood I didn't need a list of household items to be prepared for having to leave the Home. It went deeper than that, running right down into the fear I had of being alone. Being without a group of people around me at almost all times.
It was something I was working on with my therapist, but it wasn't just going to go away overnight. And it wasn't something I talked about much otherwise, so I knew there was no way for them to know, but making sure I bought myself a set of pots and pans wasn't going to make this easier.
I lifted my hand and waved the list at Eddie, then turned my head so I could look at him.
"They want me to go shopping for some of these things," I said, then sighed. "They said they'll keep them in storage for me until August."
I knew that wasn't going to make sense to him. I hadn't even been aware of the ambush before it was suddenly happening and three of the volunteers were pulling me into the kitchen of the Home to sit down and make a list with me. My eighteenth birthday was still months away and I had decided to focus on school before even beginning to worry about leaving, but apparently that wasn't going to be as easy as I thought.
The volunteers wanted to help me. They wanted to make sure I was prepared. So now I had a list. I wished they understood I didn't need a list of household items to be prepared for having to leave the Home. It went deeper than that, running right down into the fear I had of being alone. Being without a group of people around me at almost all times.
It was something I was working on with my therapist, but it wasn't just going to go away overnight. And it wasn't something I talked about much otherwise, so I knew there was no way for them to know, but making sure I bought myself a set of pots and pans wasn't going to make this easier.
I lifted my hand and waved the list at Eddie, then turned my head so I could look at him.
"They want me to go shopping for some of these things," I said, then sighed. "They said they'll keep them in storage for me until August."
(no subject)
Nov. 15th, 2019 02:05 pmI am ok. Both hands still here. Thank you for everything.
It seemed so dumb, but I had sent some variation of that text message to everyone I had seen on the Island, wanting them all to know I was safe and whole and that I appreciated everything they had done for me. Thank you really didn't seem like enough, it didn't even come close, but I was too exhausted to think of anything more.
I kept looking at and touching my right hand. After it had happened, I remembered thinking I was owed the injury somehow, that the Island had been waiting for me to come back so it could finish what it had started before I ended up in Darrow, but here I was and my hand was exactly where it used to be. With my left hand, I traced a line around my wrist, following the wound I knew should have been there, but wasn't.
Briefly, I squeezed my eyes closed, shutting them as tight as possible, and when I opened them again, I climbed off my bed and grabbed my coat. My legs felt strange and shaky, but I couldn't do this. I couldn't just sit in my room and stare at the hand I had lost and wonder what it all meant.
The Island was behind me now. I had to leave it there.
I sent additional messages to Elio and to Eddie. I knew Eddie was staying there until he was back in his regular body and it made sense, but I didn't want to be at the Home without him. Right now, he and Elio were the only people I thought I could see without bursting into tears. I wanted to see them all eventually, but not yet. I needed a few days to collect myself first.
Without waiting for an answer from either of them, I grabbed my backpack, shoved in a few extra sets of clothes, my toothbrush, and my bus pass. I left without telling anyone where I was going and took the bus straight to Elio and Oliver's place.
It seemed so dumb, but I had sent some variation of that text message to everyone I had seen on the Island, wanting them all to know I was safe and whole and that I appreciated everything they had done for me. Thank you really didn't seem like enough, it didn't even come close, but I was too exhausted to think of anything more.
I kept looking at and touching my right hand. After it had happened, I remembered thinking I was owed the injury somehow, that the Island had been waiting for me to come back so it could finish what it had started before I ended up in Darrow, but here I was and my hand was exactly where it used to be. With my left hand, I traced a line around my wrist, following the wound I knew should have been there, but wasn't.
Briefly, I squeezed my eyes closed, shutting them as tight as possible, and when I opened them again, I climbed off my bed and grabbed my coat. My legs felt strange and shaky, but I couldn't do this. I couldn't just sit in my room and stare at the hand I had lost and wonder what it all meant.
The Island was behind me now. I had to leave it there.
I sent additional messages to Elio and to Eddie. I knew Eddie was staying there until he was back in his regular body and it made sense, but I didn't want to be at the Home without him. Right now, he and Elio were the only people I thought I could see without bursting into tears. I wanted to see them all eventually, but not yet. I needed a few days to collect myself first.
Without waiting for an answer from either of them, I grabbed my backpack, shoved in a few extra sets of clothes, my toothbrush, and my bus pass. I left without telling anyone where I was going and took the bus straight to Elio and Oliver's place.
all this has happened before
Nov. 2nd, 2019 02:38 pmWe were running. Running from Peter. Running toward the pirates.
It hadn't been difficult to convince the others this was our best option, not after all Peter had done. They knew now, they had seen what he was like, they'd been viewed under the cold, dismissive gaze of Peter Pan and understood he thought nothing of them. Of us. Because I may have been his favourite once, but it was clear I was too grown up, too close to being a man to be loved by him any longer.
I knew that had upset me once, but now, surrounded by my friends, running toward other friends, I didn't feel that same sense of loss that I had before. As with Charlie and Sal and Nod, I was choosing these good people, people I loved, and I was turning my back on Peter.
We crossed the Island, skirting the plans with the Many-Eyed, taking the path up into the mountains, toward Bear Cave, and then beyond. I paused at the cave, remembering Harry and his death here, but only for a moment. I had learned long ago how to mourn my friends while on the move and today was no different. My other friends needed me now, they needed me to lead them to safety away from Peter.
Leading the way down the mountain path, past the Marking Rock, I could see the camp and the cove in the distance, the shipped docked where it usually was when the pirates weren't away, raiding whatever places they were able to find. And I could see people. Pirates, yes, but familiar faces, too, and I picked up my pace, hurrying the others toward them.
[Coming together post! Gathering, as usual, Jamie and everyone who was with him at the tree is going to come to the pirate camp/the Jolly Roger, so feel free to have threads that take place on the ship or on the shore at the camp. Also feel free to employ fairies if you like, they'll be spying for Peter, who'll be coming soon enough. In a few days I'll post a second top level for Jamie and Peter's big final fight where Jamie will be losing his right hand.]
It hadn't been difficult to convince the others this was our best option, not after all Peter had done. They knew now, they had seen what he was like, they'd been viewed under the cold, dismissive gaze of Peter Pan and understood he thought nothing of them. Of us. Because I may have been his favourite once, but it was clear I was too grown up, too close to being a man to be loved by him any longer.
I knew that had upset me once, but now, surrounded by my friends, running toward other friends, I didn't feel that same sense of loss that I had before. As with Charlie and Sal and Nod, I was choosing these good people, people I loved, and I was turning my back on Peter.
We crossed the Island, skirting the plans with the Many-Eyed, taking the path up into the mountains, toward Bear Cave, and then beyond. I paused at the cave, remembering Harry and his death here, but only for a moment. I had learned long ago how to mourn my friends while on the move and today was no different. My other friends needed me now, they needed me to lead them to safety away from Peter.
Leading the way down the mountain path, past the Marking Rock, I could see the camp and the cove in the distance, the shipped docked where it usually was when the pirates weren't away, raiding whatever places they were able to find. And I could see people. Pirates, yes, but familiar faces, too, and I picked up my pace, hurrying the others toward them.
[Coming together post! Gathering, as usual, Jamie and everyone who was with him at the tree is going to come to the pirate camp/the Jolly Roger, so feel free to have threads that take place on the ship or on the shore at the camp. Also feel free to employ fairies if you like, they'll be spying for Peter, who'll be coming soon enough. In a few days I'll post a second top level for Jamie and Peter's big final fight where Jamie will be losing his right hand.]
we will grow up
Oct. 6th, 2019 06:17 pmOn the coast of Peter's Island was a dock and at the dock was a ship. The Jolly Roger. A boy named Jamie would captain it one day, though he didn't know it now. And he was far away this morning, waking under the roots of a tree he hadn't seen in over a year, a tree that had once been home.
The pirates had no captain. A boy named Jamie had killed their last captain and none had been willing to take his place, because that boy always killed their captains and always took the right hand of the first mate. None of the pirates wanted to die. They wanted to go home, to sail the Jolly Roger away from these shores and find a new place to be, but every time they tried, they would return here instead.
They didn't know, like Jamie, they were cursed. They were playthings for a boy named Peter.
As the sun came over the horizon, the pirates began to wake. They grunted and groaned and cursed. Spit over the side of the ship, relieved themselves where they could. They ate what they had plundered and what animals they caught. They didn't realize at first that not everyone waking up aboard the Jolly Roger this morning was a pirate.
What Peter didn't know was that sometimes his lost boys came to join the pirates when they began to grow up. When they couldn't stand Peter any longer. The pirates were used to new faces. It wasn't surprising to find strangers among their number. Sometimes they welcomed the newcomers. Sometimes they liked to give them a hard time. It depended on how they were feeling that day.
Most of the pirates weren't sure how they were feeling just yet.
[And the post for everyone over 18 plus Eddie. XD This can be used for figuring stuff out, confrontations with pirates, running into the crocodile or mermaids or the Many-Eyed. Hopefully someone can work out where they are and what the connection is.]
The pirates had no captain. A boy named Jamie had killed their last captain and none had been willing to take his place, because that boy always killed their captains and always took the right hand of the first mate. None of the pirates wanted to die. They wanted to go home, to sail the Jolly Roger away from these shores and find a new place to be, but every time they tried, they would return here instead.
They didn't know, like Jamie, they were cursed. They were playthings for a boy named Peter.
As the sun came over the horizon, the pirates began to wake. They grunted and groaned and cursed. Spit over the side of the ship, relieved themselves where they could. They ate what they had plundered and what animals they caught. They didn't realize at first that not everyone waking up aboard the Jolly Roger this morning was a pirate.
What Peter didn't know was that sometimes his lost boys came to join the pirates when they began to grow up. When they couldn't stand Peter any longer. The pirates were used to new faces. It wasn't surprising to find strangers among their number. Sometimes they welcomed the newcomers. Sometimes they liked to give them a hard time. It depended on how they were feeling that day.
Most of the pirates weren't sure how they were feeling just yet.
[And the post for everyone over 18 plus Eddie. XD This can be used for figuring stuff out, confrontations with pirates, running into the crocodile or mermaids or the Many-Eyed. Hopefully someone can work out where they are and what the connection is.]
forever a lost boy
Oct. 6th, 2019 05:53 pmI woke with a start, my eyes open suddenly, instantly awake and without the slightest bit of grogginess that sometimes followed me into the morning. In Darrow, I had allowed myself to relax. When I slept, especially the nights I snuck into Eddie's room, I slept heavily. I slept like someone who felt safe, but this morning as I came awake, I knew everything had changed.
Somehow, I had known it even before my eyes were open, but now that they were, I could see everything in the dim sunlight that filtered in through the roots of the tree.
Slowly I sat up. The animal skins and furs piled on top of me fell away and it was a strange sort of relief to discover I was still wearing the t-shirt and striped pyjamas pants I had fallen asleep in. If nothing else, that meant Darrow hadn't been a dream, I hadn't gone there in my mind in some desperate attempt to escape Peter. Darrow was real and I was no longer there.
The very thought of it broke my heart.
I inhaled shakily, stifling the sob that wanted to slip out, then looked to my left. If I was here, it would be time to wake the other boys. Time to tell them what Peter was really like, but as I reached for the shape I thought would be Charlie or Nod or Crow, I realized the person lying next to me was familiar, but not for the reasons I would have thought.
I gaped at them, then turned to my other side and flung back the animal furs. I stood, stepping over shapes, pulling back the furs and skins so I could see those around me and another sob almost slipped out of me as I realized I wasn't alone. My friends were here. My friends from Darrow. I was overwhelmed with relief and gratitude for just a second before an absolute terror the likes of which I had only felt once before replaced my pleasure.
If they were here, they weren't safe. Not a single one of them. Peter would know I cared for them far more than I could ever care for him. He would see them as a threat.
As if my very thoughts had summoned him, a shape from the other end of the tree moved. Peter, holding a sharp blade in one hand and a rough piece of wood he'd been carving in the other, stepped into the midst of bodies, most of them still groggy, having just been pulled from sleep. He looked them over, a king surveying his domain, then smiled at me.
His teeth were perfect, tiny white pearls; his baby teeth. The ones I had knocked out the last time I'd seen him.
"Hullo, Jamie," he said cheerfully. "Welcome home."
[Initial post for anyone under 18. Feel free to use this for explanations, adventure, run-ins with fairies or mermaids or Peter, who will be outwardly cool to everyone, but won't be violent yet. In a few days I'll post a new top level for Jamie and Peter's fight.]
Somehow, I had known it even before my eyes were open, but now that they were, I could see everything in the dim sunlight that filtered in through the roots of the tree.
Slowly I sat up. The animal skins and furs piled on top of me fell away and it was a strange sort of relief to discover I was still wearing the t-shirt and striped pyjamas pants I had fallen asleep in. If nothing else, that meant Darrow hadn't been a dream, I hadn't gone there in my mind in some desperate attempt to escape Peter. Darrow was real and I was no longer there.
The very thought of it broke my heart.
I inhaled shakily, stifling the sob that wanted to slip out, then looked to my left. If I was here, it would be time to wake the other boys. Time to tell them what Peter was really like, but as I reached for the shape I thought would be Charlie or Nod or Crow, I realized the person lying next to me was familiar, but not for the reasons I would have thought.
I gaped at them, then turned to my other side and flung back the animal furs. I stood, stepping over shapes, pulling back the furs and skins so I could see those around me and another sob almost slipped out of me as I realized I wasn't alone. My friends were here. My friends from Darrow. I was overwhelmed with relief and gratitude for just a second before an absolute terror the likes of which I had only felt once before replaced my pleasure.
If they were here, they weren't safe. Not a single one of them. Peter would know I cared for them far more than I could ever care for him. He would see them as a threat.
As if my very thoughts had summoned him, a shape from the other end of the tree moved. Peter, holding a sharp blade in one hand and a rough piece of wood he'd been carving in the other, stepped into the midst of bodies, most of them still groggy, having just been pulled from sleep. He looked them over, a king surveying his domain, then smiled at me.
His teeth were perfect, tiny white pearls; his baby teeth. The ones I had knocked out the last time I'd seen him.
"Hullo, Jamie," he said cheerfully. "Welcome home."
[Initial post for anyone under 18. Feel free to use this for explanations, adventure, run-ins with fairies or mermaids or Peter, who will be outwardly cool to everyone, but won't be violent yet. In a few days I'll post a new top level for Jamie and Peter's fight.]
(no subject)
Aug. 20th, 2019 06:37 pmThis was it, my very first birthday party.
I was nervous and excited and I was probably driving Eddie and Magnus both absolutely mad with all my checking and rechecking of things. I wanted to make sure everything was exactly right, because I had never thrown a party before and although Magnus had helped me quite a bit, I still felt like I needed to make sure I didn't make a mess of it. I knew the rules -- no going upstairs, no alcohol -- and I would make sure everyone else knew it, too, because I didn't want to disappoint Magnus with any terrible behaviour. He was doing me a very big favour, letting me use his place and his pool to have a proper party and I wasn't going to take that for granted.
There was food and drink of all kinds, and plenty of snacks. The pool was lit up with different colours that would get brighter as the sun set and all sorts of inflatable toys could be found so people could just float if they wanted to. At the shallow end of the pool was a little floating basketball net and a bunch of inflatable balls to use with it. There were toys for diving, even a little obstacle course under water with rings people could swim through. The towels were big and fluffy, the chairs were comfortable, and there was even a big birthday cake with my name on it and seventeen candles, although that was for later.
All I had really wanted, I told Magnus, was for it to remind me of his party with all the colours. The one where Eddie and I had first kissed, and he had come through for me. The decorations were fun and bright and everywhere I looked there was a different coloured light.
I had invited all my friends, regardless of their age, so that meant there were little kids on the guest list and adults, too. A part of me worried some of the other kids around my age might think that was weird, but in the end I decided I didn't care that much. I wanted my friends to be here with me, all my friends, and not all my friends were the same age. I liked that about them all very much.
As the first people started to arrive, I clutched Eddie's hand nervously, beaming at him, then kissed him quickly on the cheek before going to greet people. I was supposed to be the host, after all. It was my first party.
I was nervous and excited and I was probably driving Eddie and Magnus both absolutely mad with all my checking and rechecking of things. I wanted to make sure everything was exactly right, because I had never thrown a party before and although Magnus had helped me quite a bit, I still felt like I needed to make sure I didn't make a mess of it. I knew the rules -- no going upstairs, no alcohol -- and I would make sure everyone else knew it, too, because I didn't want to disappoint Magnus with any terrible behaviour. He was doing me a very big favour, letting me use his place and his pool to have a proper party and I wasn't going to take that for granted.
There was food and drink of all kinds, and plenty of snacks. The pool was lit up with different colours that would get brighter as the sun set and all sorts of inflatable toys could be found so people could just float if they wanted to. At the shallow end of the pool was a little floating basketball net and a bunch of inflatable balls to use with it. There were toys for diving, even a little obstacle course under water with rings people could swim through. The towels were big and fluffy, the chairs were comfortable, and there was even a big birthday cake with my name on it and seventeen candles, although that was for later.
All I had really wanted, I told Magnus, was for it to remind me of his party with all the colours. The one where Eddie and I had first kissed, and he had come through for me. The decorations were fun and bright and everywhere I looked there was a different coloured light.
I had invited all my friends, regardless of their age, so that meant there were little kids on the guest list and adults, too. A part of me worried some of the other kids around my age might think that was weird, but in the end I decided I didn't care that much. I wanted my friends to be here with me, all my friends, and not all my friends were the same age. I liked that about them all very much.
As the first people started to arrive, I clutched Eddie's hand nervously, beaming at him, then kissed him quickly on the cheek before going to greet people. I was supposed to be the host, after all. It was my first party.
(no subject)
Jun. 3rd, 2019 09:43 amI didn't like any of this.
It wasn't the snow that bothered me so much, even though it was far colder than it should have been for the month of June, and it was too cold for it to be pleasant, but the lack of light. The sun was barely rising at all and not until noon, when it disappeared soon after. Sometimes, if the wind was blowing hard enough, the snow almost entirely blocked it out and it was like there was no daylight whatsoever.
I wasn't afraid of the dark. For so long I had lived on an Island with nothing but fires to guide our way after the sun slipped behind the horizon and even that had become pointless once I had learned all the paths and routes the Island had to offer. I had spent much of my life moving about in the dark and it didn't bother me. This darkness felt heavy, though. It seemed like everyone noticed. We were all more subdued than usual and the Home was quiet even when it was full of people.
Nearly everyone was spending all their waking hours in the rec room. It felt safer there, all of us gathered, and when the power went out, which it was doing every few hours, it meant it would be easier to stay warm grouped together, too.
But I felt restless. Eddie and I were sitting together, the power blessedly on for the moment, although the room was still cool from the last blackout and we were under a blanket. I was trying to read, but I couldn't focus, and so after a few moments I touched Eddie's leg under the blanket and then nodded toward the rec room door. I didn't know where I wanted to go, just that I had to get away from everyone else for a little while.
"Jamie?" one of the volunteers asked as I stood.
"I just need something to drink," I told her with a smile. "It's okay, we're just going to the kitchen."
She nodded and smiled back at us. "Can you bring some of the juice boxes back for the little ones?" She knew me well, knew I wouldn't be able to resist doing something to help the littler kids and that asking me to do so would guarantee I would come back sooner rather than later. It made me grin a little helplessly despite myself and I nodded before taking Eddie's hand.
It wasn't the snow that bothered me so much, even though it was far colder than it should have been for the month of June, and it was too cold for it to be pleasant, but the lack of light. The sun was barely rising at all and not until noon, when it disappeared soon after. Sometimes, if the wind was blowing hard enough, the snow almost entirely blocked it out and it was like there was no daylight whatsoever.
I wasn't afraid of the dark. For so long I had lived on an Island with nothing but fires to guide our way after the sun slipped behind the horizon and even that had become pointless once I had learned all the paths and routes the Island had to offer. I had spent much of my life moving about in the dark and it didn't bother me. This darkness felt heavy, though. It seemed like everyone noticed. We were all more subdued than usual and the Home was quiet even when it was full of people.
Nearly everyone was spending all their waking hours in the rec room. It felt safer there, all of us gathered, and when the power went out, which it was doing every few hours, it meant it would be easier to stay warm grouped together, too.
But I felt restless. Eddie and I were sitting together, the power blessedly on for the moment, although the room was still cool from the last blackout and we were under a blanket. I was trying to read, but I couldn't focus, and so after a few moments I touched Eddie's leg under the blanket and then nodded toward the rec room door. I didn't know where I wanted to go, just that I had to get away from everyone else for a little while.
"Jamie?" one of the volunteers asked as I stood.
"I just need something to drink," I told her with a smile. "It's okay, we're just going to the kitchen."
She nodded and smiled back at us. "Can you bring some of the juice boxes back for the little ones?" She knew me well, knew I wouldn't be able to resist doing something to help the littler kids and that asking me to do so would guarantee I would come back sooner rather than later. It made me grin a little helplessly despite myself and I nodded before taking Eddie's hand.
(no subject)
Apr. 25th, 2019 02:23 pmLisbeth was coming to visit me at the Home today.
I had told her weeks ago that she could and I was excited that she was coming, not because I thought the Home was anything particularly special, but because I knew it would make her feel better about the fact that I had to live here. I didn't mind it, but I liked being around my friends and so close to Eddie, even if they had made us move into separate rooms now. I knew Lisbeth had bad associations with places like this, though, and I wanted to make it easier for her.
Truthfully, I liked that she was worried. It meant she cared and for such a long time, I had been the one taking care of everyone else, so it was nice that now someone wanted to look after me.
I spent the morning tidying up my area of the shared bedroom, making sure my bed was made neatly, the lion Eddie had given me for Valentine's Day sitting proudly on the pillow. My books were stacked on my bedside table, my clothes and shoes stored away where they were meant to. I couldn't make the other boys clean up if they didn't want to, but I was pleased with how my space looked.
More than anything, I wanted for her to be comfortable that I was here. No, that wasn't entirely true. More than anything else, I wanted her and Eddie to like each other. I had promised Eddie she was really cool, although he had looked skeptical when I told him about her motorcycle, and so I had just kissed him and promised he would like her.
I was waiting for her now, sitting on the steps in front of the Home with my phone in my hands, wondering what we would do today. Maybe I could convince Eddie to take a ride on her motorcycle. I laughed as I thought about that, knowing it wasn't likely, but that didn't mean I wouldn't try.
I had told her weeks ago that she could and I was excited that she was coming, not because I thought the Home was anything particularly special, but because I knew it would make her feel better about the fact that I had to live here. I didn't mind it, but I liked being around my friends and so close to Eddie, even if they had made us move into separate rooms now. I knew Lisbeth had bad associations with places like this, though, and I wanted to make it easier for her.
Truthfully, I liked that she was worried. It meant she cared and for such a long time, I had been the one taking care of everyone else, so it was nice that now someone wanted to look after me.
I spent the morning tidying up my area of the shared bedroom, making sure my bed was made neatly, the lion Eddie had given me for Valentine's Day sitting proudly on the pillow. My books were stacked on my bedside table, my clothes and shoes stored away where they were meant to. I couldn't make the other boys clean up if they didn't want to, but I was pleased with how my space looked.
More than anything, I wanted for her to be comfortable that I was here. No, that wasn't entirely true. More than anything else, I wanted her and Eddie to like each other. I had promised Eddie she was really cool, although he had looked skeptical when I told him about her motorcycle, and so I had just kissed him and promised he would like her.
I was waiting for her now, sitting on the steps in front of the Home with my phone in my hands, wondering what we would do today. Maybe I could convince Eddie to take a ride on her motorcycle. I laughed as I thought about that, knowing it wasn't likely, but that didn't mean I wouldn't try.
[morning after mardi gras]
Mar. 27th, 2019 02:22 pmLast night felt like a whirlwind.
I usually loved the parties Magnus threw, but last night the flying had left me shaken and panicked, afraid of everything from the Island coming back for me, right up until the moment Eddie had shouted at me to stop running. It was an incredible thing, having a night turn around so completely, but within less than half an hour with Eddie, I had gone from feeling as if my chest was being crushed by some awfully heavy weight, to feeling like I could fly without any help from the beads. Like I could fly and it would be the most wonderful thing in the world instead of the most frightening.
And Eddie loved me. Nothing could be frightening after that.
When Eddie suggested we go to Elio's instead of going back to the Home, I had jumped at the chance to spend the night with him instead of in a completely different room. I hated that the Home had separated us once they found out what was going on, but I also knew I couldn't do anything about it.
This was good, though. It was nice. Even having to sleep on a couch didn't make it any less comfortable. I had spent years sleeping under the roots of a tree, sleeping peacefully and comfortably on a dirt floor with a dozen other boys and their skinny limbs draped across me. Pressing close to Eddie on a couch wasn't a hardship at all. I would have stayed here forever if I could.
Except right now I had to pee. I carefully extricated myself from where I was sleeping and yanked on my clothes before I tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom. I still wasn't sure how strange Oliver found my presence to be, so I didn't want to wake him by accident. I was as quiet as possible, but on the way back to the couch I spotted Elio out on the patio and went in that direction instead.
"Hi," I said, my voice soft. "Good morning."
I usually loved the parties Magnus threw, but last night the flying had left me shaken and panicked, afraid of everything from the Island coming back for me, right up until the moment Eddie had shouted at me to stop running. It was an incredible thing, having a night turn around so completely, but within less than half an hour with Eddie, I had gone from feeling as if my chest was being crushed by some awfully heavy weight, to feeling like I could fly without any help from the beads. Like I could fly and it would be the most wonderful thing in the world instead of the most frightening.
And Eddie loved me. Nothing could be frightening after that.
When Eddie suggested we go to Elio's instead of going back to the Home, I had jumped at the chance to spend the night with him instead of in a completely different room. I hated that the Home had separated us once they found out what was going on, but I also knew I couldn't do anything about it.
This was good, though. It was nice. Even having to sleep on a couch didn't make it any less comfortable. I had spent years sleeping under the roots of a tree, sleeping peacefully and comfortably on a dirt floor with a dozen other boys and their skinny limbs draped across me. Pressing close to Eddie on a couch wasn't a hardship at all. I would have stayed here forever if I could.
Except right now I had to pee. I carefully extricated myself from where I was sleeping and yanked on my clothes before I tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom. I still wasn't sure how strange Oliver found my presence to be, so I didn't want to wake him by accident. I was as quiet as possible, but on the way back to the couch I spotted Elio out on the patio and went in that direction instead.
"Hi," I said, my voice soft. "Good morning."