lost_boy | [christmas eve]

Entry tags:

eddie

[christmas eve]

It was Christmas Eve and I was fairly certain I was going out of my mind with anxiety and excitement.

I had told Eddie we were just going to Kagura for dinner. Earlier in the day, I had gone up without him, checked in, and I had taken our bags, the ones I packed the night before without him noticing. In my own bag was the ring I had settled on, the ring that had jumped out at me long before I expected it would have. In early November, I had promised myself I was just looking. Waiting for the right ring.

By the first of December, I had found it.

It was simple, beautifully polished wood. Simple, but personal. In the end, I hadn't even found it in a jewelry store, but at a small Christmas market, where people were selling their handmade items. This ring was the only one like it, the swirls of the wood making it completely unique. And it felt right.

But our bags and the ring were all waiting in our room. Right now, as we entered Kagura, Eddie only thought we were coming for dinner.

And we were. We could order room service if we wanted to. I expected we would. Maybe even champagne. As we approached the front doors, Eddie's hand in mine, I was glad all over again that I had carefully saved and budgeted for this. I wanted it to be special and I didn't want either of us to have to worry about anything.

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Eddie was strangely nervous as they stepped through the doors of Kagura, wearing a blazer that actually fit and shoes that weren't sneakers. They'd been adults, more or less, for a long time now, but moments like this, it struck him that he'd been in an actual, grownup relationship for ages now. Kids his age had boyfriends and girlfriends. He had a partner, even if he still cringed at the thought of using that word.

And now, they were dressed up for a fancy dinner on Christmas Eve, paid for with money they'd earned themselves.

"Should we get our table? I think we're a little early," he said, looking at his watch.

"Okay," I agreed, but with Eddie's hand still in mine, I pulled him away from the restaurant and in the direction of the hall that would take us to the rooms. Not the linen closet this time, no matter how much fun that had been, but our own proper room.

There was a table in our room, after all. We could eat there, spend the evening together alone rather than in a big crowded room full of people, and while I didn't mind going out for dinner, this was meant to be special and private.

I didn't want an audience and I didn't think Eddie would either.

"Uh, the restaurant is that way?" Eddie said, turning to look over his shoulder as he was tugged in the complete opposite direction. "What the fuck Jamie, are you—"

He stopped abruptly, turning to look where they were actually going, down a hallway of numbered rooms.

"You asshole, I knew it!" He cried triumphantly, waving an accusatory finger in Jamie's face even as he broke out in a grin. "I knew you were planning something! You should've warned me, you freak. I didn't even get to pack."

I laughed, jumping away from Eddie's waving finger and then grabbing at his hand to pull it down from my face. There was something in his realization, excitement in his tone, his entire stance, and it only fuelled my own excitement.

And my anxiety, a little, but at least it was mostly anticipation.

"I packed for you," I answered, proud that he hadn't caught on to that. "I brought the bags up here earlier today. We have everything we need and we can order room service."

The idea of someone else packing for him should've sent him down a spiral of panic, but this was Jamie. Jamie would know exactly what he needed, would think of all the silly little things that anyone else would've made fun of him for. So, he only panicked a little.

"I'm still pissed," he said, sounding the opposite. "I hate surprises."

He did, normally. For some reason, this one seemed okay.

"Yeah, you sound furious," I agreed, grinning as we headed down the hall toward our room. The key card they had given me was in my pocket and I fished it out, missing the little slot on the door the first time, then getting it in. The light on the lock flashed green and I pushed open the door.

Even though I had already been here earlier today, I was still struck by how nice the room was.

"Better than a linen closet?" I asked, almost a little shy.

"Being able to lock the door and not have the maid bust in in the morning? No way, why would I want that?" Eddie said, playfully rolling his eyes.

Standing just inside, Eddie gawked openly at the room, which was definitely the nicest hotel room he'd ever been in. He only had vague memories of trips he'd gone on with his mom, and she'd always been super particular about where they'd stayed, but he didn't remember anything like this.

"It's... Wow," he said, his throat constricting at the sight of his carefully packed bags sitting at the end of the bed.

"We're going to have so much sex in here."

"Yes, we are," I agreed in a cheerful tone, laughing at the way Eddie said it. I turned to face him and leaned in for a long kiss. "But first, do you want to order room service for dinner? The menu is right on the desk, let me know what you'd like and I'll call."

I wanted to be the one making the call because I wanted to order us champagne and I was going to try to do it in secret. I would tell Eddie to go check out the enormous tub in the bathroom as a distraction and then place the order.

But even if he wasn't surprised by the champagne, it would still all be worth it.

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if they could accommodate allergies, even though he knew he didn't have any real ones. It was a reflex, and working on it didn't mean it had disappeared entirely.

"Wow," he said, his eyes widening as he looked at the prices on the menu. "Are you sure about this? It's probably cheaper down in the cafe."

"I'm sure," I answered, smiling at him. "I budgeted. It's part of your Christmas gift."

The room, the dinner, and the information that I had properly budgeted were part of the gift, because I knew Eddie would appreciate the financial security that came with me having properly planned.

I picked up the phone and called down to the reception where I placed our order for dinner, added the champagne in a casual whisper I hoped Eddie didn't notice. Then I turned back to him and grinned. "The bath tub is huge."

Throwing his arms around Jamie's shoulders gratefully, Eddie murmured a quiet, "Thanks."

Eddie being Eddie, they'd managed accumulate a decent savings for a couple of college kids with jobs that didn't pay all that well, but it made him feel better when he knew what money was coming out when.

The fact that Jamie understood that made all the difference.

"Shit," he said, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the bathroom. "Shit," he said again. It was huge. "I guess we don't have time to use it before the food comes." He grinned.

"Not if we want to properly use it," I answered, grinning and then leering a little, because I could and because it was funny. I wrapped my arm around Eddie's shoulders and pulled him close, pressing a kiss to his cheek, then to the skin just in front of his ear.

Not so long ago I had felt so young and scared, like I didn't know anything, and then this boy had come to sit beside me on the floor and my whole life changed for the better.

"I-" The sound of a knock at the door cut me off, the food shockingly quick and I was a little grateful. I had been about to ask Eddie right here in the door of the bathroom, which maybe wasn't the most romantic option.

"Nobody's fucking anyone in that tub," Eddie insisted, "Do you know how many bathroom related accidents there are every year?"

He sounded, a bit, like he was trying to convince himself. Screwing around in a bathtub had always sounded like more trouble than it was worth, but he'd never imagined it in a bathtub like this. There were jets.

And it looked really clean. He was actually impressed.

"Wow, that was fast," he said, blinking as he watched Jamie slip out of the bathroom to answer the door.

"Okay, but we could make out in it a little," I answered just before I opened the door. The food was wheeled in on a cart, the trays silver, surprising me with how shiny they were. I wasn't sure I had ever seen such a fancy looking spread of food.

The lodge employee was quick, setting the food out on our table and then settling the bucket with the chilled champagne to one side. The glasses he produced with a smile and I realized a little belatedly that I was meant to tip him. The process probably looked ridiculous, me fumbling in my pocket for the right bill, but he didn't seem to mind and he thanked me as he left.

"Well," I said, then turned to grin at Eddie, a little flushed, but pleased with myself. "Come here."

"Oh, gross, is that champagne?" He asked excitedly, reaching for the bottle and hauling it out of the ice bucket. "They're really going all out," he observed. It somehow didn't occur to him that this was something that Jamie had ordered himself.

Shoving the bottle back into the bucket, he moved to inspect the food, his stomach growling.

"I feel like I could eat a horse."

Should we eat first? I realized I had no idea what order this all ought to go in. Dinner first, I thought, then the question, although would the champagne be warm by then? It was in a bucket of ice, so hopefully not, but then, what did I know about champagne?

I was too busy trying to work out how it was meant to happen that I didn't realize Eddie was preparing to eat, so I sat down at the table as well. It probably made more sense to eat first, I decided, as I poured us both some champagne, despite Eddie claiming it was gross.

Dinner was amazing. And I was hungry, too, so it was probably best we ate first. Near the end, full and satisfied, I grinned over the table at Eddie and asked, "It was good, wasn't it?"

"Amazing," Eddie said around a mouthful, his plate nearly licked clean and his champagne glass almost dry.

"When I'm complaining about feeling like shit tomorrow, just remind me the red meat and gluten were worth it."

He knew he didn't have a real gluten intolerance, but it still made him feel kind of bloated the next day if he ate too much of it.

"I will," I answered, even though I'd barely heard him. My mouth was suddenly dry, so dry my jaw ached a little, and my heart was thundering behind my breastbone, battering at my ribs. It felt as if my entire chest was preparing to explode.

I was terrified. Nervous. Excited. I was really going to do this.

I stood, trying to be casual, though every movement felt robotic. Across the room, my bag sat on the bed, and I went to it, unzipped a pocket, and retrieved the ring box before I turned back to look at Eddie.

"Um," I said, then drew in a breath that was so shaky I was sure Eddie could hear the way it rattled in my chest. "Eddie, I love you. More than I ever knew was possible and I... well, I found it. Your ring. At least, I think I did, it feels like the right one and, well..."

I opened the box to show him the polished wood band. "Will you marry me?"

Glass to his lips, he somehow managed to inhale the last swallow down into his lungs, staring bug-eyed at the ring box in Jamie's hand as he coughed fitfully.

Somehow, he hadn't expected this. They'd talked about it, but it was some nebulous future event, that he'd assumed he'd have ample time to prepare for.

He hated surprises. But did he hate this one? Only a little.

Mostly, he felt dizzy, his cheeks hot, and it wasn't just from the lack of oxygen. "What?" He squawked.

I grinned, loving the way Eddie's cheeks went red, the way he choked, even though I probably shouldn't love that. It was just that the moment was so perfectly Eddie. This was everything I loved about him and even though I had spent all evening terribly nervous, I felt most of that drop away suddenly.

"You heard me," I answered. "We don't have to do the wedding part right away, but this is the ring I want to give you. I want to marry you, Eddie, and so I'm asking if you'll marry me."

Eddie was certain he'd swallowed his tongue. He nodded, dumbly, staring down at the ring and listening to the blood rush in his own ears.

"Yeah, sure. Okay," he finally squeaked out, smiling dazedly.

For some reason, I hadn't considered this part. I hadn't considered the yes. Suddenly I wished I had gone down on one knee, like I'd seen on TV, because my legs were shaking and I was a little worried they were going to give out. If I was on one knee, at least I would be close to the ground if I fainted.

"Okay," I echoed, breathless and in awe. My feet started to move on their own, taking me closer to Eddie, still holding the ring box in front of me, as if I needed to lead with it.

"Do you like the ring?" I asked.

"Oh, shit! Yeah, I love it. It's great. What is this, wood?"

What were you supposed to say when your boyfriend gave you an engagement ring, when you'd never considered the possibility of actually wearing them before? Was it bad that he just hoped that the band didn't give him eczema?

"Uh-huh," I answered, grinning, as I plucked the ring from the box. "I got a wood ring, the woman who made it said because it's a natural material it wouldn't cause any allergic reactions like some metals can."

My hands were shaking. I could see it now that I was holding the ring, it was trembling between my fingers.

"Can I put it on for you?" I asked.

"Fuck, I love you," he said breathlessly, throwing his arms impulsively around Jamie's neck, his chest aching and his throat tightening.

Holy fuck, he thought he might actually cry. What an asshole.

"Yeah, okay. Fine. Do it," he said, pulling back and shoving his hand in Jamie's face.

I held onto Eddie, my arms tight around his waist, my face pressed into his neck as I laughed and whispered, "I love you."

Then he was pulling back, his hand in my face and I said, still laughing, "Stop waving it around, I only have one hand to work with here." But I put the curve of my hook gently under his palm, holding his hand still as I slid the ring onto his ring finger.

I was definitely relieved when it actually fit.

"I'm not waving it around," Eddie protested, while waving his hand around. Finally composing himself, he drew in a breath and let Jamie slide the ring onto his finger.

"Holy shit," he breathed, looking down at it, a little bug-eyed.

"Holy shit," I agreed, staring down at the ring as well before I cupped Eddie's hand between my wrists, careful with my hook, and kissed him. I loved him so much. This didn't need to happen tomorrow or next month or even next year, but I still knew it would.

That sent thrills of pleasure and excitement and emotion down my spine. I was shaking a little, my adrenaline having shot up as high as it had ever been, I thought.

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[christmas eve]

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