Entry tags:
[christmas eve]
It was Christmas Eve and I was fairly certain I was going out of my mind with anxiety and excitement.
I had told Eddie we were just going to Kagura for dinner. Earlier in the day, I had gone up without him, checked in, and I had taken our bags, the ones I packed the night before without him noticing. In my own bag was the ring I had settled on, the ring that had jumped out at me long before I expected it would have. In early November, I had promised myself I was just looking. Waiting for the right ring.
By the first of December, I had found it.
It was simple, beautifully polished wood. Simple, but personal. In the end, I hadn't even found it in a jewelry store, but at a small Christmas market, where people were selling their handmade items. This ring was the only one like it, the swirls of the wood making it completely unique. And it felt right.
But our bags and the ring were all waiting in our room. Right now, as we entered Kagura, Eddie only thought we were coming for dinner.
And we were. We could order room service if we wanted to. I expected we would. Maybe even champagne. As we approached the front doors, Eddie's hand in mine, I was glad all over again that I had carefully saved and budgeted for this. I wanted it to be special and I didn't want either of us to have to worry about anything.
I had told Eddie we were just going to Kagura for dinner. Earlier in the day, I had gone up without him, checked in, and I had taken our bags, the ones I packed the night before without him noticing. In my own bag was the ring I had settled on, the ring that had jumped out at me long before I expected it would have. In early November, I had promised myself I was just looking. Waiting for the right ring.
By the first of December, I had found it.
It was simple, beautifully polished wood. Simple, but personal. In the end, I hadn't even found it in a jewelry store, but at a small Christmas market, where people were selling their handmade items. This ring was the only one like it, the swirls of the wood making it completely unique. And it felt right.
But our bags and the ring were all waiting in our room. Right now, as we entered Kagura, Eddie only thought we were coming for dinner.
And we were. We could order room service if we wanted to. I expected we would. Maybe even champagne. As we approached the front doors, Eddie's hand in mine, I was glad all over again that I had carefully saved and budgeted for this. I wanted it to be special and I didn't want either of us to have to worry about anything.
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And now, they were dressed up for a fancy dinner on Christmas Eve, paid for with money they'd earned themselves.
"Should we get our table? I think we're a little early," he said, looking at his watch.
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There was a table in our room, after all. We could eat there, spend the evening together alone rather than in a big crowded room full of people, and while I didn't mind going out for dinner, this was meant to be special and private.
I didn't want an audience and I didn't think Eddie would either.
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He stopped abruptly, turning to look where they were actually going, down a hallway of numbered rooms.
"You asshole, I knew it!" He cried triumphantly, waving an accusatory finger in Jamie's face even as he broke out in a grin. "I knew you were planning something! You should've warned me, you freak. I didn't even get to pack."
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And my anxiety, a little, but at least it was mostly anticipation.
"I packed for you," I answered, proud that he hadn't caught on to that. "I brought the bags up here earlier today. We have everything we need and we can order room service."
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"I'm still pissed," he said, sounding the opposite. "I hate surprises."
He did, normally. For some reason, this one seemed okay.
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Even though I had already been here earlier today, I was still struck by how nice the room was.
"Better than a linen closet?" I asked, almost a little shy.
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Standing just inside, Eddie gawked openly at the room, which was definitely the nicest hotel room he'd ever been in. He only had vague memories of trips he'd gone on with his mom, and she'd always been super particular about where they'd stayed, but he didn't remember anything like this.
"It's... Wow," he said, his throat constricting at the sight of his carefully packed bags sitting at the end of the bed.
"We're going to have so much sex in here."
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I wanted to be the one making the call because I wanted to order us champagne and I was going to try to do it in secret. I would tell Eddie to go check out the enormous tub in the bathroom as a distraction and then place the order.
But even if he wasn't surprised by the champagne, it would still all be worth it.
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"Wow," he said, his eyes widening as he looked at the prices on the menu. "Are you sure about this? It's probably cheaper down in the cafe."
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The room, the dinner, and the information that I had properly budgeted were part of the gift, because I knew Eddie would appreciate the financial security that came with me having properly planned.
I picked up the phone and called down to the reception where I placed our order for dinner, added the champagne in a casual whisper I hoped Eddie didn't notice. Then I turned back to him and grinned. "The bath tub is huge."
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Eddie being Eddie, they'd managed accumulate a decent savings for a couple of college kids with jobs that didn't pay all that well, but it made him feel better when he knew what money was coming out when.
The fact that Jamie understood that made all the difference.
"Shit," he said, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the bathroom. "Shit," he said again. It was huge. "I guess we don't have time to use it before the food comes." He grinned.
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Not so long ago I had felt so young and scared, like I didn't know anything, and then this boy had come to sit beside me on the floor and my whole life changed for the better.
"I-" The sound of a knock at the door cut me off, the food shockingly quick and I was a little grateful. I had been about to ask Eddie right here in the door of the bathroom, which maybe wasn't the most romantic option.
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He sounded, a bit, like he was trying to convince himself. Screwing around in a bathtub had always sounded like more trouble than it was worth, but he'd never imagined it in a bathtub like this. There were jets.
And it looked really clean. He was actually impressed.
"Wow, that was fast," he said, blinking as he watched Jamie slip out of the bathroom to answer the door.
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The lodge employee was quick, setting the food out on our table and then settling the bucket with the chilled champagne to one side. The glasses he produced with a smile and I realized a little belatedly that I was meant to tip him. The process probably looked ridiculous, me fumbling in my pocket for the right bill, but he didn't seem to mind and he thanked me as he left.
"Well," I said, then turned to grin at Eddie, a little flushed, but pleased with myself. "Come here."
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Shoving the bottle back into the bucket, he moved to inspect the food, his stomach growling.
"I feel like I could eat a horse."
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I was too busy trying to work out how it was meant to happen that I didn't realize Eddie was preparing to eat, so I sat down at the table as well. It probably made more sense to eat first, I decided, as I poured us both some champagne, despite Eddie claiming it was gross.
Dinner was amazing. And I was hungry, too, so it was probably best we ate first. Near the end, full and satisfied, I grinned over the table at Eddie and asked, "It was good, wasn't it?"
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"When I'm complaining about feeling like shit tomorrow, just remind me the red meat and gluten were worth it."
He knew he didn't have a real gluten intolerance, but it still made him feel kind of bloated the next day if he ate too much of it.
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I was terrified. Nervous. Excited. I was really going to do this.
I stood, trying to be casual, though every movement felt robotic. Across the room, my bag sat on the bed, and I went to it, unzipped a pocket, and retrieved the ring box before I turned back to look at Eddie.
"Um," I said, then drew in a breath that was so shaky I was sure Eddie could hear the way it rattled in my chest. "Eddie, I love you. More than I ever knew was possible and I... well, I found it. Your ring. At least, I think I did, it feels like the right one and, well..."
I opened the box to show him the polished wood band. "Will you marry me?"
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Somehow, he hadn't expected this. They'd talked about it, but it was some nebulous future event, that he'd assumed he'd have ample time to prepare for.
He hated surprises. But did he hate this one? Only a little.
Mostly, he felt dizzy, his cheeks hot, and it wasn't just from the lack of oxygen. "What?" He squawked.
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"You heard me," I answered. "We don't have to do the wedding part right away, but this is the ring I want to give you. I want to marry you, Eddie, and so I'm asking if you'll marry me."
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"Yeah, sure. Okay," he finally squeaked out, smiling dazedly.
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"Okay," I echoed, breathless and in awe. My feet started to move on their own, taking me closer to Eddie, still holding the ring box in front of me, as if I needed to lead with it.
"Do you like the ring?" I asked.
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What were you supposed to say when your boyfriend gave you an engagement ring, when you'd never considered the possibility of actually wearing them before? Was it bad that he just hoped that the band didn't give him eczema?
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My hands were shaking. I could see it now that I was holding the ring, it was trembling between my fingers.
"Can I put it on for you?" I asked.
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Holy fuck, he thought he might actually cry. What an asshole.
"Yeah, okay. Fine. Do it," he said, pulling back and shoving his hand in Jamie's face.
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Then he was pulling back, his hand in my face and I said, still laughing, "Stop waving it around, I only have one hand to work with here." But I put the curve of my hook gently under his palm, holding his hand still as I slid the ring onto his ring finger.
I was definitely relieved when it actually fit.
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"Holy shit," he breathed, looking down at it, a little bug-eyed.
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That sent thrills of pleasure and excitement and emotion down my spine. I was shaking a little, my adrenaline having shot up as high as it had ever been, I thought.