lost_boy: (Default)
Jamie ([personal profile] lost_boy) wrote2022-12-02 05:29 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

A lot of the time I had a difficult time really communicating my feelings. I knew anger and I knew love, I knew happiness and sadness, but trying to put those things into words wasn't always easy for me. It was better than it used to be, I was better. I had a therapist and I was older and it wasn't that I was angry with myself right now for not being able to articulate everything I felt.

I just knew I wanted to get it right.

Elio wouldn't judge me, though, if I struggled. Elio never judged me. It was truly what having a real brother was like, even without having ever had one, I could say that with certainty. I just knew.

Which is why I was there. I showed up at the bookstore after hours, but went up the stairs on the side of the building that led to the outside door of the apartment upstairs. Elio knew I was coming, but I still didn't just burst in. I knocked politely, then put my cold hand in my pocket and waited for him to let me in.

I still didn't know how to say what I was feeling, but Elio would help me figure it out.

And I had brought him dinner.
speakordie: (Default)

[personal profile] speakordie 2023-01-17 06:41 am (UTC)(link)
The way that Jamie hugs me back tells me that he's caught on to what I'm feeling, that he's empathizing with me, and I gently shush him before pulling back enough to press a firm kiss to the top of his head. It means a lot that he'd think about my feelings even in a moment as big for him as this.

Once we let go of each other, I go to the fridge to grab one of the tiny bottles of champagne that I regularly smuggle out of the club, and then two glasses. Returning to the table, I tug my chair closer to his and open the bottle, pouring us each a little big of champagne for a proper toast.

And yeah, maybe because I could use a drink.

"Tell me everything," I say excitedly, twisting to prop my chin up on my hand and look at him. "How are you going to do it?"
speakordie: (Default)

[personal profile] speakordie 2023-01-23 08:11 pm (UTC)(link)

"Darling, I'm French," I reply in a playfully haughty voice, lifting my glass and tipping it toward him. "I like having these small bottles on hand. You never know when there might be something to celebrate."

While Jamie reveals his plan, I sip from my glass and watch him with a fond, pleased look on my face, propping my chin up on my palm. Jamie is such a sweet person, always thinking of others, and Eddie is so lucky. He needs someone like Jamie, I think, just like I need someone like Oliver. Eddie has the tendency to spiral, to treat little things like the end of the world, and I can relate to that. We need calm, thoughtful people to keep us tethered to the ground sometimes.

"I think that's an amazing plan," I assure him, smiling widely and clinking my glass against his. "You'll have to let me know how it goes." My smile goes a bit teasing and I wink at him, because Jamie is so fun to tease. "Once you come up for air, of course."

speakordie: (Default)

[personal profile] speakordie 2023-01-30 08:28 pm (UTC)(link)

"Well, I should hope not," I reply with a laugh. Jamie isn't much of a gossip in general, but certainly not about his sex life, which at times I find disappointing simply because I am a nosy, sick person and I like hearing those sorts of details. I do know that they aren't as-- well, adventurous-- in bed (or out of bed) as me and Oliver, so I try not to pry even if I want to.

But-- I know how Eddie is about the possibility of germs. Do he and Jamie rim each other? Do they even know that men do that to each other? I didn't, not until Oliver showed me. I am suddenly immensely curious about his, and I have to remind myself that we're talking about love, not sex. The two get so confused for me sometimes.

"Besides, I'm sure that I'll be busy that night," I tell him, teasing and smug all at once. "Santa's not the only thing coming down my chimney on Christmas Eve, if you know what I mean."

Okay, that one was just to see what kind of face he'll make. As a treat for me.

speakordie: (Default)

[personal profile] speakordie 2023-02-06 11:21 pm (UTC)(link)

Jamie's reaction makes me cackle with delight, tossing my head back to laugh at his red cheeks and runny nose, wet with inhaled champagne. It feels like a good brotherly moment, me teasing him about sex and grossing him out, and that makes me deliriously happy. I never thought I'd know what it felt like to have a brother, but Darrow has given me one. It's given me Oliver, even if there was a hiccup there. This city can be so cruel, but I can't hate it. Not entirely.

"You love me," I say with a laugh, lunging forward to throw my arms around him to give him a tight squeeze. "You love me so damn much."