(no subject)

"They gave me a list," I announced as I walked into Eddie's room, glad to find it otherwise empty, and then flung myself facedown on his bed.

I knew that wasn't going to make sense to him. I hadn't even been aware of the ambush before it was suddenly happening and three of the volunteers were pulling me into the kitchen of the Home to sit down and make a list with me. My eighteenth birthday was still months away and I had decided to focus on school before even beginning to worry about leaving, but apparently that wasn't going to be as easy as I thought.

The volunteers wanted to help me. They wanted to make sure I was prepared. So now I had a list. I wished they understood I didn't need a list of household items to be prepared for having to leave the Home. It went deeper than that, running right down into the fear I had of being alone. Being without a group of people around me at almost all times.

It was something I was working on with my therapist, but it wasn't just going to go away overnight. And it wasn't something I talked about much otherwise, so I knew there was no way for them to know, but making sure I bought myself a set of pots and pans wasn't going to make this easier.

I lifted my hand and waved the list at Eddie, then turned my head so I could look at him.

"They want me to go shopping for some of these things," I said, then sighed. "They said they'll keep them in storage for me until August."