lost_boy | (no subject)

I tended to sneak out a lot less these days than I had when I first arrived in Darrow. For the most part I slept better, I felt more comfortable, and I wasn't as jumpy as I had once been, but every so often I still grew restless at night. I wanted to run through fields and stretch my legs. I wanted to swim with mermaids and fight pirates, my dagger slashing through the air. I didn't want to go back to the Island, not ever, but sometimes I wanted to be that boy again.

It wasn't possible in Darrow, but I still knew I needed to get out. I texted Beverly, asking if she'd want to meet me, because right from the start, she had been the one I escaped with. We had snuck out together, wandering the streets late at night, and it still felt right, that she be the one I go with when I felt like this.

I slipped out with ease, though not before I folded a note into Eddie's hand so he knew where I had gone if he woke up and found me missing.

Even with spring approaching, the night was cool and refreshing, and I exhaled deeply once I was outside on the street. Immediately I began to feel better, and I walked slowly, taking care to stretch my arms and legs as I went, wandering toward Beverly's apartment to meet her.

I didn't know what we might do, but I assumed we would find something.

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"I hope so," I said as we crossed the boardwalk. I paused at the edge and leaned on the railing, looking out toward the water. "It isn't as if he's trying to break me and Eddie up. I don't know why I would have any reason to be mad otherwise."

I'd liked other people before. At first, I had even liked Beverly a little. Her hair had stunned me, looking like fire, and she'd been so nice to me. Funny and kind. But things changed, I understood that. I wished Richie could see it, too.

"I think Stan is mad because Richie didn't tell him," Beverly says, and something cold twists in her gut at that, a familiar feeling of dread. Her own secrets feel so much worse. With that being the case, she could never have begrudged Richie his. Though she's not sure exactly what went down with Stan and Richie, she's felt that fracture, too, and it's been hard not to draw further in on herself as a result of it. There's so much she hasn't said, and in the face of all of this, she doesn't know how she ever could.

"I just wish things were normal. It feels like they haven't been in ages."

I wanted to say it wasn't fair for Stan to be angry with Richie for that, but I also knew it wasn't fair for me to try and tell someone how to feel. If he was angry, then he was angry, even if I couldn't really understand why.

"Sometimes people think they have to keep secrets, though," I said instead. "To protect themselves. It isn't because they don't trust their friends."

I heaved a sigh, then looked at Beverly and said, "I wish that, too."

Hearing Jamie say that, Beverly can't help but feel a little grateful, though she tries not to let it show. Even if he would understand, even if he wouldn't hold it against her, she isn't ready to admit that she's keeping plenty of secrets of her own, never mind what they are. Besides, she has a feeling that if she let even one thing out, all the rest would come spilling out of her, too. She can't let that happen. She can't put that burden on her friends when they've all had their own shit to be dealing with/

"Yeah," she agrees quietly. "I'm sure that's what it was with Richie. I mean, no one has a problem with Eddie, or with you. There's no reason we would with him."

She sighs in turn. "I guess we just have to wait it out."