lost_boy | all this has happened before

We were running. Running from Peter. Running toward the pirates.

It hadn't been difficult to convince the others this was our best option, not after all Peter had done. They knew now, they had seen what he was like, they'd been viewed under the cold, dismissive gaze of Peter Pan and understood he thought nothing of them. Of us. Because I may have been his favourite once, but it was clear I was too grown up, too close to being a man to be loved by him any longer.

I knew that had upset me once, but now, surrounded by my friends, running toward other friends, I didn't feel that same sense of loss that I had before. As with Charlie and Sal and Nod, I was choosing these good people, people I loved, and I was turning my back on Peter.

We crossed the Island, skirting the plans with the Many-Eyed, taking the path up into the mountains, toward Bear Cave, and then beyond. I paused at the cave, remembering Harry and his death here, but only for a moment. I had learned long ago how to mourn my friends while on the move and today was no different. My other friends needed me now, they needed me to lead them to safety away from Peter.

Leading the way down the mountain path, past the Marking Rock, I could see the camp and the cove in the distance, the shipped docked where it usually was when the pirates weren't away, raiding whatever places they were able to find. And I could see people. Pirates, yes, but familiar faces, too, and I picked up my pace, hurrying the others toward them.

[Coming together post! Gathering, as usual, Jamie and everyone who was with him at the tree is going to come to the pirate camp/the Jolly Roger, so feel free to have threads that take place on the ship or on the shore at the camp. Also feel free to employ fairies if you like, they'll be spying for Peter, who'll be coming soon enough. In a few days I'll post a second top level for Jamie and Peter's big final fight where Jamie will be losing his right hand.]

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He and Elio had gone to shore, but learned soon enough that venturing deeper into the island was more dangerous than either of them could handle. Instead, the goodwill, or maybe fearful and grudging respect, of the pirates was the only thing they had to fall back on, and as the beach was suddenly stormed by kids-- familiar faces, all of them friends, most of them terrified and breathless and streaked with dirt, Eddie knew they might all be in trouble again.

"Whoa, hey, everybody calm the fuck down!" Eddie shouted, and the only reason his voice didn't break was because he'd apparently left puberty behind like three decades ago. There was a sword at his hip, an actual sword, and he rested his hand on the hilt, already knowing that he'd hurt anyone who tried to touch Jamie.

"Holy shit, I thought we weren't going to be able to find you," he said, wobbly and breathless as he took a step towards him, forgetting about the growing crowd of pirates and all of their friends, and about the fact that he looked like some random forty-year-old man as he lurched forward to throw his arm around Jamie's neck.

There was a strange grown man hugging me.

He was nearly the same height as me, handsome and strong in a wiry sort of way, but I knew I didn't recognize him and I knew he couldn't be a pirate, because the pirates never would have hugged me. I had killed far too many of them. Taken the right hands of too many others. The pirates hated me almost as much as they hated Peter and I knew I was taking a risk coming here, but I felt the risk was worth it. I just had think about it now, about what I was going to do next.

All that was rather difficult with this strange man hugging me, though.

"It's all right," I said, awkwardly patting his back. Briefly I wondered if this was a trap, but the pirates weren't advancing. They were staring, watching us warily, but I didn't think this was meant to be an attack. "I... you'll be all right."

"Oh my God, Jamie, it's me," he said, and it wasn't like he expected Jamie to recognize him— he barely recognized himself, but an ache of sadness clenched in his chest, having the person he loved most look at him like a stranger.

"It's crazy. I know, okay? But it's me. It's Eddie," he said, clutching tight at Jamie's arms and looking at him pleadingly. "I'm freaking the fuck out here. I need you to believe me, before we get killed by this stupid fucking island. Which is seriously fucked up, by the way. I mean, I know you told me it was fucked up, but holy shit!"

This was Eddie.

I stared at him, but I needed only a second, because even before he continued to speak I recognized his eyes. He was taller and broader through the shoulders and there was hair on his face, but I could see it in his eyes. And then he continued talking and I almost laughed at the familiarity of it before I threw my arms around him again.

It was a dangerous, confusing situation. And all I could think about was how glad I was to see him and how my handsome boyfriend would grow up into a handsome man. With a really nice chest. I realized, a little belatedly, that I probably shouldn't have been thinking that.

"You look..." I pulled back and stared at his face again. "Wow."

"Old, I know," Eddie said, rolling his eyes expansively. His skin was rougher and looser in places, his joints were stiffer, his back hurt from sleeping in that stupid hammock, he had hair in really weird places, and he looked like what he imagined his dad must've, had he been able to remember his face. It was weird. Plus:

"You're still taller than me. What the fuck's up with that?"

"Hot," I corrected without thinking and then my cheeks flushed a deep red. This wasn't the right time at all, not with Peter coming, not with the pirates staring at us suspiciously, but it had just come out and it wasn't as if I wanted to take it back.

I wasn't sure I had ever used the word before, but it was the only one that described what I was seeing now. It sounded a little silly in my accent, not like it did when the girls at school said it, but it was still the best word I knew.

"I mean... this is a bad time for this," I said. "I think Peter is coming or he might be trying to send the Many-Eyed and I always think you're hot, which you probably already know, because, well." I shut up quickly, not needing to get into that sort of conversation right now. "But you are."

"What?" He squawked, looking down at himself with a deep frown. "Seriously?"

He mostly felt sweaty and tired and frustrated and pissed off, which wasn't all that different from how he usually felt, but his body was a thing that he still struggled to accept, and having this brand new wrench thrown at him was really freaking him out.

"What the fuck do you mean, Peter is coming? What the fuck, what are we just standing around for? Oh my God, Jamie." Eddie gripped Jamie's shoulders, maybe a little too tight, but he still hadn't gotten a handle on his own strength.

Edited 2019-11-08 21:35 (UTC)

"It's okay," I said, reaching up to hold onto Eddie's elbows. Not only could I see it in his eyes now, but I could hear it in his voice, too; it was so obvious that this was Eddie and it took a lot of my self control to not just hug him again. To let myself take comfort in someone familiar, even when he was different, too. I couldn't explain it, but it was all I wanted and so I compromised and reached up to take one of his hands from my shoulder, holding it tightly between my own.

"Even if he comes, we're all together now. He can't do anything to all of us. He's..." I paused, realizing something was true now that never had been before. "He's alone."

I still had to keep Eddie from him. If Peter knew how much I loved him, he would be in so much danger.

"Everyone? He can do something to you, Jamie. What the fuck, he could do something to you, and that would be enough, okay?"

It wasn't that he didn't care about everyone else-- of course he did, but if Jamie got hurt, even if it was just in this fake world they were all going to wake up from, he was completely convinced that he would have a mental breakdown. They'd have to carry him away on a stretcher. They'd have to lock him up in the loony bin. He'd be totally fucked. They all would.

"I don't care if he's alone, I don't want to see that freak. You know why? Because if I do, I'm going to punch him in his evil fucking face, that's why."

Edited 2019-11-16 00:45 (UTC)

Over the past several days we had been here, I had seen a lot of bravery and kindness from my friends. Daine had gone back and forth, delivering as much information to me as she was able. Stan and Beverly and Eponine had come to my defense when Peter had begun to act out physically against me. Rosie and Regan had taken up the task of keeping people fed and keeping them calm, especially Luke, who had been so brave.

All of that meant so much to me, all of them wanting to help me, being true friends in all the ways Peter never had, it was what had changed me. Eddie most of all.

I almost laughed, but instead I reached out and I held Eddie's face between my hands. I knew I couldn't kiss him like this, so I just held onto him.

"I know," I said. "Because you're amazing. And we'll be okay, I promise. I will be okay. He won't be able to hurt me, not with you here."

all this has happened before

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