lost_boy | all this has happened before

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all this has happened before

We were running. Running from Peter. Running toward the pirates.

It hadn't been difficult to convince the others this was our best option, not after all Peter had done. They knew now, they had seen what he was like, they'd been viewed under the cold, dismissive gaze of Peter Pan and understood he thought nothing of them. Of us. Because I may have been his favourite once, but it was clear I was too grown up, too close to being a man to be loved by him any longer.

I knew that had upset me once, but now, surrounded by my friends, running toward other friends, I didn't feel that same sense of loss that I had before. As with Charlie and Sal and Nod, I was choosing these good people, people I loved, and I was turning my back on Peter.

We crossed the Island, skirting the plans with the Many-Eyed, taking the path up into the mountains, toward Bear Cave, and then beyond. I paused at the cave, remembering Harry and his death here, but only for a moment. I had learned long ago how to mourn my friends while on the move and today was no different. My other friends needed me now, they needed me to lead them to safety away from Peter.

Leading the way down the mountain path, past the Marking Rock, I could see the camp and the cove in the distance, the shipped docked where it usually was when the pirates weren't away, raiding whatever places they were able to find. And I could see people. Pirates, yes, but familiar faces, too, and I picked up my pace, hurrying the others toward them.

[Coming together post! Gathering, as usual, Jamie and everyone who was with him at the tree is going to come to the pirate camp/the Jolly Roger, so feel free to have threads that take place on the ship or on the shore at the camp. Also feel free to employ fairies if you like, they'll be spying for Peter, who'll be coming soon enough. In a few days I'll post a second top level for Jamie and Peter's big final fight where Jamie will be losing his right hand.]

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"Elio!" I called as I ran, desperate to leave Peter and the Many-Eyed behind us. "Magnus!"

I could see others, too. Eowyn and Ellie and Aggie. Familiar, welcome faces, although I wished I could have come for them sooner. Through speaking with Daine, I had known they were here, but it wasn't as easy to get away from Peter as just leaving. He was always watching and if I had tried to go before now, I knew I would have only invited danger and possible injury to the people who had been with me. Now there was no choice. Not with the way Peter had attacked me.

I jumped over a fallen log, turning back to help others, then made for the camp. My shouts had drawn attention, not only that of my friends, but of the pirates, too, and I could see them glancing between me and Elio. Too late I realized my mistake. They had thought Elio was me and that might have been what was keeping everyone safe.

"It's Jamie!" one of the pirates shouted. I recognized him. He wore an eyepatch and I had been the one to take his eye. "There's two of him! It's that boy's magic again!"

I didn't know what was happening, if we would be welcomed or not, but I knew I had to get to my friends.

He and Elio had gone to shore, but learned soon enough that venturing deeper into the island was more dangerous than either of them could handle. Instead, the goodwill, or maybe fearful and grudging respect, of the pirates was the only thing they had to fall back on, and as the beach was suddenly stormed by kids-- familiar faces, all of them friends, most of them terrified and breathless and streaked with dirt, Eddie knew they might all be in trouble again.

"Whoa, hey, everybody calm the fuck down!" Eddie shouted, and the only reason his voice didn't break was because he'd apparently left puberty behind like three decades ago. There was a sword at his hip, an actual sword, and he rested his hand on the hilt, already knowing that he'd hurt anyone who tried to touch Jamie.

"Holy shit, I thought we weren't going to be able to find you," he said, wobbly and breathless as he took a step towards him, forgetting about the growing crowd of pirates and all of their friends, and about the fact that he looked like some random forty-year-old man as he lurched forward to throw his arm around Jamie's neck.

There was a strange grown man hugging me.

He was nearly the same height as me, handsome and strong in a wiry sort of way, but I knew I didn't recognize him and I knew he couldn't be a pirate, because the pirates never would have hugged me. I had killed far too many of them. Taken the right hands of too many others. The pirates hated me almost as much as they hated Peter and I knew I was taking a risk coming here, but I felt the risk was worth it. I just had think about it now, about what I was going to do next.

All that was rather difficult with this strange man hugging me, though.

"It's all right," I said, awkwardly patting his back. Briefly I wondered if this was a trap, but the pirates weren't advancing. They were staring, watching us warily, but I didn't think this was meant to be an attack. "I... you'll be all right."

"Oh my God, Jamie, it's me," he said, and it wasn't like he expected Jamie to recognize him— he barely recognized himself, but an ache of sadness clenched in his chest, having the person he loved most look at him like a stranger.

"It's crazy. I know, okay? But it's me. It's Eddie," he said, clutching tight at Jamie's arms and looking at him pleadingly. "I'm freaking the fuck out here. I need you to believe me, before we get killed by this stupid fucking island. Which is seriously fucked up, by the way. I mean, I know you told me it was fucked up, but holy shit!"

This was Eddie.

I stared at him, but I needed only a second, because even before he continued to speak I recognized his eyes. He was taller and broader through the shoulders and there was hair on his face, but I could see it in his eyes. And then he continued talking and I almost laughed at the familiarity of it before I threw my arms around him again.

It was a dangerous, confusing situation. And all I could think about was how glad I was to see him and how my handsome boyfriend would grow up into a handsome man. With a really nice chest. I realized, a little belatedly, that I probably shouldn't have been thinking that.

"You look..." I pulled back and stared at his face again. "Wow."

"Old, I know," Eddie said, rolling his eyes expansively. His skin was rougher and looser in places, his joints were stiffer, his back hurt from sleeping in that stupid hammock, he had hair in really weird places, and he looked like what he imagined his dad must've, had he been able to remember his face. It was weird. Plus:

"You're still taller than me. What the fuck's up with that?"

"Hot," I corrected without thinking and then my cheeks flushed a deep red. This wasn't the right time at all, not with Peter coming, not with the pirates staring at us suspiciously, but it had just come out and it wasn't as if I wanted to take it back.

I wasn't sure I had ever used the word before, but it was the only one that described what I was seeing now. It sounded a little silly in my accent, not like it did when the girls at school said it, but it was still the best word I knew.

"I mean... this is a bad time for this," I said. "I think Peter is coming or he might be trying to send the Many-Eyed and I always think you're hot, which you probably already know, because, well." I shut up quickly, not needing to get into that sort of conversation right now. "But you are."

"What?" He squawked, looking down at himself with a deep frown. "Seriously?"

He mostly felt sweaty and tired and frustrated and pissed off, which wasn't all that different from how he usually felt, but his body was a thing that he still struggled to accept, and having this brand new wrench thrown at him was really freaking him out.

"What the fuck do you mean, Peter is coming? What the fuck, what are we just standing around for? Oh my God, Jamie." Eddie gripped Jamie's shoulders, maybe a little too tight, but he still hadn't gotten a handle on his own strength.

Edited 2019-11-08 21:35 (UTC)

"It's okay," I said, reaching up to hold onto Eddie's elbows. Not only could I see it in his eyes now, but I could hear it in his voice, too; it was so obvious that this was Eddie and it took a lot of my self control to not just hug him again. To let myself take comfort in someone familiar, even when he was different, too. I couldn't explain it, but it was all I wanted and so I compromised and reached up to take one of his hands from my shoulder, holding it tightly between my own.

"Even if he comes, we're all together now. He can't do anything to all of us. He's..." I paused, realizing something was true now that never had been before. "He's alone."

I still had to keep Eddie from him. If Peter knew how much I loved him, he would be in so much danger.

"Everyone? He can do something to you, Jamie. What the fuck, he could do something to you, and that would be enough, okay?"

It wasn't that he didn't care about everyone else-- of course he did, but if Jamie got hurt, even if it was just in this fake world they were all going to wake up from, he was completely convinced that he would have a mental breakdown. They'd have to carry him away on a stretcher. They'd have to lock him up in the loony bin. He'd be totally fucked. They all would.

"I don't care if he's alone, I don't want to see that freak. You know why? Because if I do, I'm going to punch him in his evil fucking face, that's why."

Edited 2019-11-16 00:45 (UTC)

Over the past several days we had been here, I had seen a lot of bravery and kindness from my friends. Daine had gone back and forth, delivering as much information to me as she was able. Stan and Beverly and Eponine had come to my defense when Peter had begun to act out physically against me. Rosie and Regan had taken up the task of keeping people fed and keeping them calm, especially Luke, who had been so brave.

All of that meant so much to me, all of them wanting to help me, being true friends in all the ways Peter never had, it was what had changed me. Eddie most of all.

I almost laughed, but instead I reached out and I held Eddie's face between my hands. I knew I couldn't kiss him like this, so I just held onto him.

"I know," I said. "Because you're amazing. And we'll be okay, I promise. I will be okay. He won't be able to hurt me, not with you here."

When I see Jamie burst through the trees, my first reaction is utter relief. It's good to see him and know he's okay, but finally finding Jamie presents an entirely knew problem, and my stomach drops as Jamie's cry makes several of the pirates turn towards me, swords in hand.

"Elio? Elio?" One of them says, and I shoot Jamie a desperate look as I take a stumbling step backward in the sand. "You're not even him! You've been playing us!"

"To be fair, you never asked my name," I say as I hold up both of my hands in surrender. This doesn't seem to soothe them, and I let out a yelp as I back away. "Jamie! A little help!"

How I wished I had my sword, but that was easily remedied, especially when all of this had happened before. Not in this particular way, not with people like Elio, people I cared about and would do anything to protect, but it was close enough to a raid on the pirate camp that when I moved, it seemed as it my body had been transported back in time and everything just fell into place.

As Elio stepped back, I stepped forward and, knife in hand, I moved in a flash and cut the belt of the nearest pirate. In a second I was holding his scabbard and then I drew out the sword and held it steadily, the end pointed at the pirates who were advancing on Elio. I realized with a start that I recognized some of them. Will, who had left the boys so long ago that he seemed to have aged twenty years, and Georgie, who had grown a beard so long it nearly touched his belt. Why hadn't I recognized them before? Had Peter blinded me so much?

"Don't," I warned them, sword in one hand, dagger in the other. I looked at Elio, met his gaze, tried to communicate everything would be all right. "We're not here for trouble. We left Peter. These are my friends. We need somewhere safe to be."

Jamie swoops in and I feel my bravado crumbling. I've tried to be strong for myself and for Eddie, and for Jamie and Oliver who weren't even here, but now that there's some light at the end of this tunnel, I can't seem to keep it up anymore.

The real Jamie is here, and I know I could never be like him. But at least I know that I'm safe.

When Jamie commands the pirates to leave me alone and they make no further moves towards me, I summon all the strength left in my legs and move through the sand so I can be at Jamie's side.

"I didn't know what to do," I murmur quietly, nearly overcome with exhaustion now that there's some semblance of safety. "It seemed safest to let them think I was you. I didn't know if they would hurt us."

"They're afraid of me and they hate me in turns," I admitted, shaking my head as I still carefully watched the pirates. They were staring at me and Elio, but they seemed to be considering what I had said about needing help and fleeing from Peter, and that was a good thing.

"It was the smartest thing you could have done, I think," I said, looking to Elio. I smiled a little, then put away my knife before I reached out and squeezed his arm. I was so glad to see him, to see that he was safe, and I exhaled shakily, trying not to let the past several days overwhelm me now that we were here.

"I don't know what they might have done. They're... a lot of them are Peter's boys. I recognize them. Things are so different now for me than they were before. It's very strange and very confusing."

"Yeah, I figured out that much," I reply, and I feel cowardly standing there hiding behind Jamie, but this is his world. He knows it far better than I ever could, and I want to live through this.

"We're going to get home, right?" I ask as Jamie squeezes my arm, letting the worry show on my face. "Back to Darrow? I can't lose-- I have to get back.'

"Yes," I said, my voice firm. "I think this is like before, when a bunch of us fell asleep for a few days, but we were also somehow back home with my friend Regan. It's the same thing, I'm almost certain, and we'll wake up soon, safe and home."

I knew how he felt. Maybe not quite the same, as Elio and Oliver had been together for longer and had been together at home, too, but I was worried about never seeing Eddie again. I was just glad he was safe.

"But I'm not sure what to do from here," I admitted, my voice smaller. "I think we're safer with the pirates than with Peter, but he isn't afraid of them."

"Oh, balls."

The secret now out, Magnus decides there's no reason to pretend to be anything other than what he is as well. Not that he had been shy exactly about his magic, as it usually did a rather intimidating job. But he hadn't been showboating either.

But if the pirates decided to have an issue with two Jamies running about, Magnus could handle it. Sure of that, he runs towards the young man, grabbing him by the shoulders and giving him a good look over.

"Are you all alright? Did he hurt you?"

I was so glad to see Magnus and even though I knew it might put him in danger if Peter saw, I threw my arms around his waist and hugged him tight. It probably made it more difficult for him to take stock of my injuries, but I needed the hug more than I needed medical attention. My friends had been so good and so strong, they had stood up for me and protected me, but it wasn't the same as being hugged by a grown up. I needed that, too.

I was so lucky, I realized, to have all these different sorts of friends.

"We're okay," I said a moment later. "He tried to attack me, but everyone..." I smiled, the expression a little watery. "They helped. Eponine jumped in with her knife, and Beverly and Stan threw rocks at him. None of them hesitated."

The hug certainly doesn't help with surveying his injuries, no, but the tightness of the hug does something to reassure Magnus. Jamie's here and he's whole and he's safe, because Magnus is now here to protect him. He's not going to let anyone get near him again, especially not Peter Pan.

"Good, good." At least he wasn't alone then, dealing with all that. Magnus gives him another squeeze before letting go. He only takes a half step back and away. "You're all safe now."

Unless...

"Did he follow?" Magnus cranes his neck to look behind Jamie at the path they all had taken. Most of the kids are familiar to him, at least in passing, but not all.

How I wanted to say no, but I could only nod, because I knew Peter better than anyone. He might not be in sight just yet, but he was certainly coming and there was nothing any of us could do to stop that.

"He won't just let me get away," I said, then rubbed the back of my hand against my nose. "He's angry with me for growing up and he's angry with anyone else I might care for."

Which meant we were all in danger.

"I think we're safer here than anywhere."

"Maybe if we set sail," Magnus theorizes. Yes, Peter Pan can fly, but Captain Hook had managed to avoid being killed by Peter, hadn't he? Maybe the ship had something to do with that. Or sheet numbers. Would the lost boys be able to follow?

How come Magnus had never heard this version of the tale? It upsets him that he doesn't know exactly what to do.

"I can set up some shields, with my magic. Maybe that will slow him down a touch."

He doesn't doubt for a second that Pan's power is greater than his, at least on Neverland, but there's a chance, isn't there?

"We can set sail," I agreed. "But the pirates always come back here and I'm not sure why. It might be that they like it here or... well, it might be more of Peter's magic."

I had never had cause to find out. All I had ever known was that the pirates returned. They always did. We always had enemies to battle and the more I thought about it, the more I realized it must have been Peter that dragged them back over and over.

"But your shields would help," I said, brightening. "Peter's never had to face someone else with magic before."

"Probably like Darrow," Magnus murmurs, thinking it over while, at the same time, taking Jamie's hand and steering them back in the direction of the pirate ship. You can only go so far into the sea in Darrow before being pushed back; the pirates probably couldn't escape even if they tried.

Magnus' expression also brightens at Jamie's words. "Excellent," he purrs with excitement. "We'll put up a hell of a fight."

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