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I didn't like any of this.
It wasn't the snow that bothered me so much, even though it was far colder than it should have been for the month of June, and it was too cold for it to be pleasant, but the lack of light. The sun was barely rising at all and not until noon, when it disappeared soon after. Sometimes, if the wind was blowing hard enough, the snow almost entirely blocked it out and it was like there was no daylight whatsoever.
I wasn't afraid of the dark. For so long I had lived on an Island with nothing but fires to guide our way after the sun slipped behind the horizon and even that had become pointless once I had learned all the paths and routes the Island had to offer. I had spent much of my life moving about in the dark and it didn't bother me. This darkness felt heavy, though. It seemed like everyone noticed. We were all more subdued than usual and the Home was quiet even when it was full of people.
Nearly everyone was spending all their waking hours in the rec room. It felt safer there, all of us gathered, and when the power went out, which it was doing every few hours, it meant it would be easier to stay warm grouped together, too.
But I felt restless. Eddie and I were sitting together, the power blessedly on for the moment, although the room was still cool from the last blackout and we were under a blanket. I was trying to read, but I couldn't focus, and so after a few moments I touched Eddie's leg under the blanket and then nodded toward the rec room door. I didn't know where I wanted to go, just that I had to get away from everyone else for a little while.
"Jamie?" one of the volunteers asked as I stood.
"I just need something to drink," I told her with a smile. "It's okay, we're just going to the kitchen."
She nodded and smiled back at us. "Can you bring some of the juice boxes back for the little ones?" She knew me well, knew I wouldn't be able to resist doing something to help the littler kids and that asking me to do so would guarantee I would come back sooner rather than later. It made me grin a little helplessly despite myself and I nodded before taking Eddie's hand.
It wasn't the snow that bothered me so much, even though it was far colder than it should have been for the month of June, and it was too cold for it to be pleasant, but the lack of light. The sun was barely rising at all and not until noon, when it disappeared soon after. Sometimes, if the wind was blowing hard enough, the snow almost entirely blocked it out and it was like there was no daylight whatsoever.
I wasn't afraid of the dark. For so long I had lived on an Island with nothing but fires to guide our way after the sun slipped behind the horizon and even that had become pointless once I had learned all the paths and routes the Island had to offer. I had spent much of my life moving about in the dark and it didn't bother me. This darkness felt heavy, though. It seemed like everyone noticed. We were all more subdued than usual and the Home was quiet even when it was full of people.
Nearly everyone was spending all their waking hours in the rec room. It felt safer there, all of us gathered, and when the power went out, which it was doing every few hours, it meant it would be easier to stay warm grouped together, too.
But I felt restless. Eddie and I were sitting together, the power blessedly on for the moment, although the room was still cool from the last blackout and we were under a blanket. I was trying to read, but I couldn't focus, and so after a few moments I touched Eddie's leg under the blanket and then nodded toward the rec room door. I didn't know where I wanted to go, just that I had to get away from everyone else for a little while.
"Jamie?" one of the volunteers asked as I stood.
"I just need something to drink," I told her with a smile. "It's okay, we're just going to the kitchen."
She nodded and smiled back at us. "Can you bring some of the juice boxes back for the little ones?" She knew me well, knew I wouldn't be able to resist doing something to help the littler kids and that asking me to do so would guarantee I would come back sooner rather than later. It made me grin a little helplessly despite myself and I nodded before taking Eddie's hand.
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There was no way that thing ever washed its hands.
At Jamie's teasing, Eddie's cheeks darkened and he choked on a laugh, his voice a strangled squawk as he said, "It's right in my face, what do you think?"
It really was right there, and feeling bold, Eddie reached out, gripping one of Jamie's wiggling butt cheeks and giving him a playful shove.
"You're a freak," he accused, without any heat.
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"I think you look at my butt every chance you get," I teased. "I look at your butt."
I was being both silly and sincere. I did look at Eddie any chance I could. All of Eddie. His face, his arms, his hands, his butt, his legs, any part of him I could see, I liked to look. The girls in my class sometimes teased me, because they would often catch me staring at him from across the library if we were both in there, but forced to sit separately because of our classes.
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Antibacterial ointment and gauze and little butterfly bandages. They'd gotten on his case about hording first aid supplies a few times, but they'd mostly given up on it a while ago.
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I wrapped my arms around him in return, though it was only for a moment before I was collecting my shoes and my jeans from the floor. It seemed silly to get dressed again, mostly because my jeans were torn and bloodied, and I thought with all the chaos downstairs no one would even notice that I was walking around in my underwear. I hooked my clothes over my arm, then took Eddie's hand and headed for the stairs.
"Why do you think that thing broke in here?" I asked. "It sounded like it wanted us for something."
I wasn't anything special. Eddie was sweet and smart and strong, but I was just Jamie. I had done horrible things and was still trying to make up for it all.