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It was just over a month I had been in Darrow now and while I didn't think it was fair to say I was easily settling in, I also didn't think it would be fair to say I wasn't.
It was an entirely different world from the one I was used to. I barely remembered London and what it was like to live there, although the longer I spent away from Peter, the more memories returned to me. I could see my mother's smile now, which was a far cry from just barely being able to hear the song she used to sing to me. I could also remember the fear in her eyes when my father came home from the pub, drunk and angry. But besides that, London seemed like a dream that had happened to someone else.
Peter's Island was my basis for comparison. And while there were strange things here, there were no mermaids, none of the Many-Eyed, and no pirates. It seemed like there might be fairies, but they weren't the traditional kind, the ones who had conspired with Peter. The ones whose homes I'd inadvertently burned to the ground. Darrow was less strange for me. Or it was strange in different ways and I thought I was still adjusting.
I liked the people I had met. Most of them, anyway. They were generally kind and meant well, even if the grown ups working at the Children's Home seemed to have too many responsibilities and not enough time. They tried, which was more than I had honestly expected, except for one of the volunteers I just didn't like. I felt like he looked too long at the girls, maybe even sometimes at me and Eddie, but I didn't know what to say about it, so for now I was just watching.
That the grown ups were so busy usually meant it was easy to sneak out, especially since Beverly had shown me how. I couldn't sleep tonight and so I left Eddie asleep in his bed and walked silently down the hall. Peter's Island may not have been the sort of place I wanted to return, but I had learned many things there, things that could still work to my benefit here. Sneaking out wasn't very difficult at all and soon I was standing out on the sidewalk with my face turned up toward the sky.
The night was still hot. Muggy. It wasn't that late, there were still grown ups out, walking to and from bars, laughing and holding hands. I watched curiously as a woman leaned into her partner, whispering in his ear, and he laughed and then spun them around to head in a different direction. Another couple, both of them men, were talking quietly and sincerely as they walked, but I didn't think they were angry. I thought maybe they were just... comfortable.
It was all so normal here. Liking boys, liking girls. I had no idea what I felt about any of it, but as long as I was thinking about Sal, I supposed it didn't really matter.
I hadn't thought to move on from standing right out in front of the Children's Home and it only occurred to me as I realized someone was approaching from behind, that standing here and gawking at people was the best way to get caught. I braced myself, expecting one of the staff to grab me by the shoulder and drag me back in to bed.
It was an entirely different world from the one I was used to. I barely remembered London and what it was like to live there, although the longer I spent away from Peter, the more memories returned to me. I could see my mother's smile now, which was a far cry from just barely being able to hear the song she used to sing to me. I could also remember the fear in her eyes when my father came home from the pub, drunk and angry. But besides that, London seemed like a dream that had happened to someone else.
Peter's Island was my basis for comparison. And while there were strange things here, there were no mermaids, none of the Many-Eyed, and no pirates. It seemed like there might be fairies, but they weren't the traditional kind, the ones who had conspired with Peter. The ones whose homes I'd inadvertently burned to the ground. Darrow was less strange for me. Or it was strange in different ways and I thought I was still adjusting.
I liked the people I had met. Most of them, anyway. They were generally kind and meant well, even if the grown ups working at the Children's Home seemed to have too many responsibilities and not enough time. They tried, which was more than I had honestly expected, except for one of the volunteers I just didn't like. I felt like he looked too long at the girls, maybe even sometimes at me and Eddie, but I didn't know what to say about it, so for now I was just watching.
That the grown ups were so busy usually meant it was easy to sneak out, especially since Beverly had shown me how. I couldn't sleep tonight and so I left Eddie asleep in his bed and walked silently down the hall. Peter's Island may not have been the sort of place I wanted to return, but I had learned many things there, things that could still work to my benefit here. Sneaking out wasn't very difficult at all and soon I was standing out on the sidewalk with my face turned up toward the sky.
The night was still hot. Muggy. It wasn't that late, there were still grown ups out, walking to and from bars, laughing and holding hands. I watched curiously as a woman leaned into her partner, whispering in his ear, and he laughed and then spun them around to head in a different direction. Another couple, both of them men, were talking quietly and sincerely as they walked, but I didn't think they were angry. I thought maybe they were just... comfortable.
It was all so normal here. Liking boys, liking girls. I had no idea what I felt about any of it, but as long as I was thinking about Sal, I supposed it didn't really matter.
I hadn't thought to move on from standing right out in front of the Children's Home and it only occurred to me as I realized someone was approaching from behind, that standing here and gawking at people was the best way to get caught. I braced myself, expecting one of the staff to grab me by the shoulder and drag me back in to bed.
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"Oh no," I said, horrified by the idea of Beverly and Eddie talking about me. Maybe they would anyway, maybe I couldn't stop that, but I didn't want her telling him I liked him.
"Please don't. What if he doesn't... if he doesn't think about me like that, I don't want to strain our friendship." He meant too much to me for that.
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"Just, you know, if you do, I could mention that I think you're really cool, or something."
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But he was my friend anyway. That in itself felt like more than I deserved already.
It was okay if I wasn't cool. What I had learned of cool made me feel like I didn't necessarily want to be cool. Although maybe that wasn't true either. Beverly seemed cool in a way that was nice. She smiled easily and her hair looked like fire when the sun hit it and she knew how to sneak out of the Home, but she was never mean about anything. I wasn't like that either, but she never made me feel like that wasn't okay.
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Here, it's just been her and Eddie for ages, to the point that that's just what seems normal now. There's something odd about the fact of that, but she doesn't know what she would do without him.
"No wonder we both like you so much."
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Being here, having new friends, I had the chance at something else. A different sort of friendship. It was a good feeling. One I wished Crow and Nod could have experienced, too. They deserved it. So had Charlie and Sal. So had all of Peter's boys, except maybe Nip.
"I think being cool might not be something I want to be," I admitted. "It seems a lot of the kids who think they're cool are also cruel." They reminded me a bit of Peter.
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She smiles, though, not wanting to put too much of a damper on the mood, and nudges his shoulder with hers. "Way better to be uncool and nice, if you ask me."