Eddie was most likely right, I knew, and Peter didn't deserve to have anything more than what he already did. He would never know any different, he would never think he was missing out on anything, and somehow that was both the saddest part and the most infuriating. I wasn't as good as Eddie thought, because sometimes I wanted Peter to understand everything he would never get to have. I wanted him to see it and hurt because of it.

But I smiled, looking up at Eddie, my grin crooked and boyish. As long as Eddie thought I was a good person, I knew I would continue to want to be. Not just for him, not just for my friends, but for myself, too. I was happier this way. Some days my anger still felt too big for my body, but for the most part, I was just happy.

"If you think so, then I think I can, too," I said and I knew I wasn't supposed to kiss him, but I dropped my head and pressed a kiss to his shoulder through the layers of his clothes.