I didn't scream. I wanted to and I felt the sound bubbling up in my throat, but I choked it down, both because I didn't want Elio to feel bad and because I didn't want Peter to have the satisfaction of hearing it. It hurt, though, and I couldn't stop the strangled gasp that slipped out or the tears that finally blurred my vision.

"It's all right. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt at all."

I hadn't even realized I was speaking, even as the tears spilled over and down my cheeks. I only wanted to make sure Elio didn't feel any guilt for what he was doing, because I knew it was necessary, even in my state of shock. I knew he was only doing any of it because he loved me.