lost_boy | forever a lost boy

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forever a lost boy

I woke with a start, my eyes open suddenly, instantly awake and without the slightest bit of grogginess that sometimes followed me into the morning. In Darrow, I had allowed myself to relax. When I slept, especially the nights I snuck into Eddie's room, I slept heavily. I slept like someone who felt safe, but this morning as I came awake, I knew everything had changed.

Somehow, I had known it even before my eyes were open, but now that they were, I could see everything in the dim sunlight that filtered in through the roots of the tree.

Slowly I sat up. The animal skins and furs piled on top of me fell away and it was a strange sort of relief to discover I was still wearing the t-shirt and striped pyjamas pants I had fallen asleep in. If nothing else, that meant Darrow hadn't been a dream, I hadn't gone there in my mind in some desperate attempt to escape Peter. Darrow was real and I was no longer there.

The very thought of it broke my heart.

I inhaled shakily, stifling the sob that wanted to slip out, then looked to my left. If I was here, it would be time to wake the other boys. Time to tell them what Peter was really like, but as I reached for the shape I thought would be Charlie or Nod or Crow, I realized the person lying next to me was familiar, but not for the reasons I would have thought.

I gaped at them, then turned to my other side and flung back the animal furs. I stood, stepping over shapes, pulling back the furs and skins so I could see those around me and another sob almost slipped out of me as I realized I wasn't alone. My friends were here. My friends from Darrow. I was overwhelmed with relief and gratitude for just a second before an absolute terror the likes of which I had only felt once before replaced my pleasure.

If they were here, they weren't safe. Not a single one of them. Peter would know I cared for them far more than I could ever care for him. He would see them as a threat.

As if my very thoughts had summoned him, a shape from the other end of the tree moved. Peter, holding a sharp blade in one hand and a rough piece of wood he'd been carving in the other, stepped into the midst of bodies, most of them still groggy, having just been pulled from sleep. He looked them over, a king surveying his domain, then smiled at me.

His teeth were perfect, tiny white pearls; his baby teeth. The ones I had knocked out the last time I'd seen him.

"Hullo, Jamie," he said cheerfully. "Welcome home."

[Initial post for anyone under 18. Feel free to use this for explanations, adventure, run-ins with fairies or mermaids or Peter, who will be outwardly cool to everyone, but won't be violent yet. In a few days I'll post a new top level for Jamie and Peter's fight.]

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Jamie catches on mercifully quick, and Daine hops closer, fair bursting with things to tell him. But with the way he's whispering, it might not be safe to talk here. She bobs her head in a clear nod, then hesitates. She's fair good at mimicking words well enough to speak, but mimicking whispering is trickier, and she's not sure she fully trusts herself to pull it off. So, after looking around to make sure no one's about to sneak up on them, she carefully reshapes her mouth enough to talk with her normal voice. Or whisper with it, rather.

"I've news. Is it safe to talk here?"

I shook my head. Peter would be nearby and while he couldn't be everywhere at once, if he saw me furtively speaking to a bird, he would know something strange was going on and he would be sure to find out what it was.

"There's a graveyard about half a mile west," I said without looking directly at her. "Peter never goes there. You'll be able to see it through the trees and I'll meet you there straight away."

If I ran, it wouldn't take me long at all. Just a few minutes, really. Daine would beat me, inevitably, but I could make it there quick and I risked a glance at her before I began to climb out of the tree. I hated to leave the others here alone with Peter, but a careful glance at Eponine made it clear I needed her to keep an eye on things for a few minutes. On Luke in particular.

Daine hastily reshapes her beak, wanting to at least look like a normal bird if they should be interrupted in the next few seconds. Then she dips her head in another nod. The graveyard will be easy enough to find -- she already spotted it while she was in hawk shape, but had only taken brief note of it because it wasn't what she was looking for. It'll only take her a few minutes to fly there.

She doesn't like leaving Jamie behind someplace dangerous, but there's also no sense in lingering. She doesn't want to be found out, and if anyone knows how to handle the danger here, it's Jamie. So she takes to the air without a backward glance, winging up above the treetops and heading west.

The graveyard isn't terribly large, and she lands on the ground between the rough-hewn markers. She could've landed on one, she supposes, but that would feel disrespectful. Plus, even with Jamie's word for it that Peter never comes here, she'd as soon make less of a target of herself. If she can't do it by staying high up, keeping low will have to do. While she waits for Jamie to arrive, she hops from driftwood plank to flat stone, noting that every name seems to have been carved by the same hand. Mithros, did Jamie do all these?

She finds herself, ironically, in front of a marker that simply reads Crow when Jamie arrives, and she flaps her wings once to get his attention. "Jamie, over here."

I didn't like leaving the others, but I had spoken with them and they'd all vowed to keep each other safe and distract Peter so I could sneak away with the clothes I had gathered for Daine if she didn't want to spend all her time as an animal. Over my arm I had a pair of deerskin trousers I thought would fit her and a boy's button down shirt I had found in the pile of discarded clothing. Both were clean and free of holes, which was the important bit.

When I arrived at the graveyard, I had to pause for a moment, stunned by the sight of them all. Somehow, while in Darrow, I had forgotten this, and my heart crept into my throat at the sight of all my dead friends.

"Daine," I said and my voice cracked, but I ignored it as I hurried over to her. "I brought you some clothes if you'd like to not be a bird."

Daine could just as easily stay a crow, and while she supposes the danger here isn't truly life-threatening, she still sort of likes the idea of being able to make as quick a getaway as possible if things should take a sudden turn. But that's silly, and unfair to Jamie, besides. She can shift quickly enough that clothes wouldn't be an impediment, and it's not as if she intends to ditch him. Maybe if he ordered her to, she'd consider it -- his judgment is probably best, here -- but she wouldn't like it, and she wouldn't be inclined to be too quick about it.

Besides, she thinks he needs to see her properly more than she needs to be a bird. "Thank you," she says, waiting for him to turn his back so she can quickly change back into her human shape and pull on the clothes he's brought her. The breeches and button-down make for a fair strange combination, but they aren't too bad a fit, and it's only temporary, anyway. Once she's dressed, she touches his shoulder lightly. "Here, I'm decent, now. Are you all right?"

I turned when she touched my shoulder, then laughed softly at her question and shook my head, though that wasn't my answer. I supposed I was fine, really. I wasn't hurt and neither was anyone else, and even if someone was hurt, I knew they wouldn't be injured back in Darrow. Being with Regan and her family, living through Richie's death, that was all the proof I needed.

But that didn't mean I was all right. Nor did it mean anyone else would be either.

"A little angry," I admitted. "Upset that we have to be here at all. No one should have to put up with Peter." But I was glad I had at least warned people about him. My fear had always been that he would come to Darrow, I'd never thought we might go to him, but in the end it was the same result. My friends knew of him. They knew not to trust him.

"We'll be all right," she says stoutly. "This can't last forever." She can easily imagine why Jamie wouldn't be pleased; she wouldn't be happy, either, if a bunch of her friends from Darrow had suddenly been dragged into her memories of Dunlath, or Carthak. Even if it wasn't truly real, and only temporary, they still would've had to get through it.

And she knows, from what little she's heard about Regan's thing, that not everyone would've necessarily got through it alive.

But never mind that. She told him she has news, and she shouldn't sit on it. "A number of us woke up on a ship anchored off the Island," she says. "At least half a dozen, by my counting. How many are with you?"

"Who?" I asked, my heart suddenly in my throat. "Eddie? Did you see Eddie?"

The idea of him being stuck on the pirate ship was worrying, but somehow it was less worrying than having him here with Peter. There was no hiding how much I cared for my friends and that would make Peter angry enough, but if Eddie was here, I knew how I would look at him. I knew Peter would see everything he meant to me and he would try to kill him. I couldn't have that.

"On the Jolly Roger?" I asked. "The pirate ship? Half a dozen and... here, it's, uh... six, I think. About six."

I was having trouble thinking of the answer. All I could think about was Eddie.

Daine shakes her head with a sympathetic wince. "Aggie, Magnus, Eowyn, and Elio are the ones I saw before I flew out. I didn't see Eddie." She didn't see anyone much younger than herself, now that she thinks about it. But that makes sense; Jamie had said something about growing up being a problem on the Island, and that all the older folk became pirates. Does that mean Eddie's too young for the ship?

"I didn't see him while I was flying over the Island, either," she hastens to add. "Maybe he's just... not here?" Maybe that's a good thing. She's not sure what they're all going to end up mixed up in, here, but it might be just as well if Eddie's missing it.

That was somehow both a relief and deeply upsetting at the same time. If Eddie wasn't here, it meant Peter couldn't get his hands on him and I was so grateful for that. But it also meant Eddie was alone back in Darrow, watching us as we all slept and wouldn't wake up and I hated to think of him stuck like that. Just waiting for us, never knowing what was happening.

"How are the pirates?" I asked. "Are they behaving themselves? Sometimes... well, I know they've welcomed other boys before, so maybe they won't mind some strangers joining their crew."

Maybe the ship was the safest place for all of us.

Daine has to stifle a snort at his question about the pirates. "They're behaving better than I'd've expected," she says. "They seem a bit confused, but... not to the point of drawing blades."

Which might mean they're better off on the ship than they would be at Peter's tree. None of this is exactly ideal, but at least the pirates are just human.

Daine takes a breath, then gets to business. "What do you need from me? I could carry messages between you and the folk on the ship easy enough. Should we all try and meet up, or something?"

That much was good at least, because it meant the others were safe, even if we weren't together. I had no idea what Peter might do if he saw someone like Magnus, someone clearly a grown up, or even worse, Elio. Someone who shared my face. It frightened me, thinking of how dangerous he might get, what he might try to do.

"I think they should stay there for now," I answered. "It sounds like all the grown up woke up on the Jolly Roger, which is a good thing. I'm not sure what Peter would do if he saw some of them, especially Elio. I don't want any of them to get hurt."

I paused, then asked, "Can you tell them that? Tell them I'm here, a few of us are, but it's safer for them to stay there. Or at least stay near the pirate camp."

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