lost_boy | (no subject)

(no subject)

This was it, my very first birthday party.

I was nervous and excited and I was probably driving Eddie and Magnus both absolutely mad with all my checking and rechecking of things. I wanted to make sure everything was exactly right, because I had never thrown a party before and although Magnus had helped me quite a bit, I still felt like I needed to make sure I didn't make a mess of it. I knew the rules -- no going upstairs, no alcohol -- and I would make sure everyone else knew it, too, because I didn't want to disappoint Magnus with any terrible behaviour. He was doing me a very big favour, letting me use his place and his pool to have a proper party and I wasn't going to take that for granted.

There was food and drink of all kinds, and plenty of snacks. The pool was lit up with different colours that would get brighter as the sun set and all sorts of inflatable toys could be found so people could just float if they wanted to. At the shallow end of the pool was a little floating basketball net and a bunch of inflatable balls to use with it. There were toys for diving, even a little obstacle course under water with rings people could swim through. The towels were big and fluffy, the chairs were comfortable, and there was even a big birthday cake with my name on it and seventeen candles, although that was for later.

All I had really wanted, I told Magnus, was for it to remind me of his party with all the colours. The one where Eddie and I had first kissed, and he had come through for me. The decorations were fun and bright and everywhere I looked there was a different coloured light.

I had invited all my friends, regardless of their age, so that meant there were little kids on the guest list and adults, too. A part of me worried some of the other kids around my age might think that was weird, but in the end I decided I didn't care that much. I wanted my friends to be here with me, all my friends, and not all my friends were the same age. I liked that about them all very much.

As the first people started to arrive, I clutched Eddie's hand nervously, beaming at him, then kissed him quickly on the cheek before going to greet people. I was supposed to be the host, after all. It was my first party.

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I grinned and tipped sideways, resting my head on Beverly's shoulder. Although I had made other friends in my time here, good friends, Beverly was still one of the first and best I had made. When she left the Home, I hadn't worried that our friendship might change and it hadn't, because she was still here and I knew she would be here for me if I ever needed her.

And I would be here for her, too.

"Thank you," I said happily. "This is the first birthday I can remember having and I think it's a pretty good one. I'm lucky Magnus let me throw it here. It would have been fun anywhere, as long as all of you came to celebrate, but this is especially exciting, I think."

"This is exciting for me and it's not even my birthday," Beverly says with a smile. "I mean, a pool party at a mansion?" This is definitely not the sort of thing she would ever have been able to do back home, and not just because she never got invited to parties. Even in the nicer parts of Derry, there weren't houses anything like this. She would have been excited enough about all of it anyway, but all the more so because she knows Jamie has never had a birthday party before, that he didn't even know when his birthday was until he chose this one. He should get to have something special to mark his first real celebration of the occasion, even if the date is one he picked.

Her expression softening just a little, into one more fond, she adds, "I'm glad you're having fun."

"You mean mansion pool parties aren't just normal for everyone who doesn't grow up on an Island?" I teased. I knew this was unusual for most people and I knew my relationship with Magnus made me lucky in some ways. He always threw wonderful parties for everyone to attend, but they weren't personal in this way. I knew he had other family and friends, people he cared for and would do the same thing for, but it was special for me to be counted among them.

"You know... it's been a year since me and Eddie kissed at one of Magnus's parties," I told her. "Well, a year tomorrow. That... everyone at school, they get together and they break up and then they like someone new, but I only want to be with Eddie. I don't think I know anyone else who's been with their boyfriend or girlfriend for a whole year."

"They are definitely not just normal," Beverly says with a laugh, kicking her foot through the water just enough to splash him a little. "As far as I'm concerned, being invited to parties at all is not just normal." This sort of thing never happened back home, and not just because she didn't know anyone who lived in a mansion with a pool. Aside from the Losers, she didn't have anyone to hang out with; there was no one who would have invited her anywhere. She wound up feeling pretty fine with that, or as much so as anyone could, but this is still pretty incredible.

Thoughtfully, she takes in what Jamie has said. She hadn't realized it had been so long, but now that he's said it, she knows it's true. They've been together for ages now, way longer than any other couple around their age. She doesn't think that's really cause to worry, though. "I think a lot of people don't take it all that seriously. They're just having fun, you know? It's different with you guys. You really care about each other."

Beverly's words made me feel good and I smiled a little to myself, looking down at the water. I loved Eddie and he loved me, but it made me happy to know other people could see it, too. And Beverly was so important to Eddie, one of his very best friends, but she was one of mine, too. Her opinions and her thoughts were important to me.

"That means we've been friends even longer. You were my first friend here," I told her. I had met Eddie first, but I thought he thought I was weird, where Beverly and I had clicked almost immediately. I was lucky with her in that regard. And we were close enough friends now that I didn't think she would mind the next thing I was going to say.

"I thought your hair looked like fire," I admitted. "I thought it was the prettiest colour I had ever seen."

Your hair is winter fire. She thinks it without meaning to, without knowing at first what it means at all. It clicks a moment later, and it's a goddamn relief that it does. Those moments, the ones when she can tell she's forgotten something, an obvious absence in her memory, are always alarming. Even now, this one is hazier than she'd like it to be, but at least she remembers the postcard and how she felt holding it, thinking that maybe someone could love her after all.

Beverly blinks, a little surprised, and runs her hand self-consciously over her hair, just like when she'd first cut it and first got comments about having done so. "I didn't know you thought so," she says, her smile soft and teasing, to cover her own instinctive reaction and the inexplicable ache in her chest. "God, it really has been ages, hasn't it? It's hard to believe we've even been here that long."

I shrugged and smiled. "I didn't know many girls before you. There was just Sal and she..." I stopped and shrugged again. Talking about Sal was still difficult for me, knowing I hadn't been able to save her from Peter's grasp. I didn't think it was my fault she was dead, but I felt like I should have been able to do more.

Sal would never grow up because I hadn't been there when she needed me.

"I love being here, though," I said. "I really do. Even living at the Home isn't as bad as some people seem to think it is. I'm a little nervous about what will happen next summer, when I turn eighteen. I don't want to leave."

Beverly doesn't know exactly how Jamie would have finished that sentence. The fact that he trails off the way he does and starts with something else makes her feel like she shouldn't push, though, trusting that he'll know he can talk to her about whatever if he decides to. They've shared some of the worst parts of their past before, after all, and with that comes a certain understanding. Even with that being the case, though, she knows there's a lot that she still wouldn't discuss, so she can only guess that the same is true for him. Given what she knows of where he was before, that's fair enough.

"I didn't think it was that bad, either," she agrees. "I mean, I'm glad I don't live there anymore, but it was still better than home." Maybe that's the difference for both of them, she thinks. The places they lived before make the Home seem preferable because they set such a low bar. "At least you'll still be nearby. The city's only so big."

I nodded, because that was true, and sometimes that helped, knowing I would still be close to the people I cared about. But being close wasn't the same as being with and when I considered being alone in a flat, my stomach turned.

"I've never lived alone before," I admitted, swishing my legs in the water as I leaned back on my palms. "First it was my parents, mostly my mum, then Peter and the other boys, then Eddie as my roommate at the Home and now Richie."

I liked rooming with Richie, but it probably wasn't a surprise that I preferred Eddie.

"Maybe you can find someone who'd room with you?" Beverly asks. There have to be other people who'd be aging out of the Home at around the same time, or older friends that he has already. Without the Home keeping people separated by age and gender, it doesn't seem like it could be that hard to find someone. At least, it shouldn't for Jamie. Looking around the party, it's clear that he's well-liked. She's glad for him that there's been such a great turnout today. Even knowing she has more friends here than she had back home, she feels like it would probably be harder for her.

She got lucky, though, having Hopper invite her to stay. By the time she'd ever move out on her own, she'd have her other friends around her age to ask about it. She's not thinking that far ahead, no longer feeling the need to get out, but it's nice knowing that's the case.

"You shouldn't have to live alone if you don't want to."

I nodded and said, "Aggie offered me space at her place. Her guardians disappeared a little while ago and I think Daine is living there with her now. She says it still feels too empty. It's good to know I have that option."

I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted, but the option was there and it meant a lot to me that Aggie would offer in the first place. We were friends, but she and I weren't close as I was with Beverly, for example, and I didn't know if someone else in her position would have done the same thing. She was a good person, better than plenty of others I had known before Darrow, and I was lucky to count her among my friends.

"I'd like it to be somewhere Eddie feels comfortable, too," I said. "He'll still be at the Home, but if I live somewhere else, I want him to, um... well. Want to be there."

"That makes sense," Beverly says, nodding. "Wherever you wind up living, he'll be hanging out there." She doesn't want to think in too much depth about the reasons for it, but they'd have more privacy than they would at the Home. Since moving in with Hopper, it isn't her first choice of a place to spend time either, though she winds up there often enough, just about all of her friends conveniently in one location. A part of her is, maybe selfishly, looking forward to when that isn't the case, so she's not just the odd one out.

"You've got a while to figure it out, anyway. At least you don't have to know right now."

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