I rubbed one of my eyes almost shyly, because while I cared for Elio very much, this was all new to me and I was never sure if I was doing things properly. Eddie didn't seem to mind if I fumbled a little, but I remembered how horrified he had been when I first asked him to be my boyfriend, seemingly worried that I had shared too much with Elio at the time. I didn't think it was too much, telling him this, but at the same time I was glad Eddie was still asleep.

"I've never been in love before," I said. "There was Sal and I thought... well, I cared for her a great deal. I think, had she not been killed, it could have been love."

But Peter had killed her. There was no taking that back, no bringing her back and I knew she would want me to be happy. It was all Sal ever wanted, it seemed, for everyone around her to be safe and happy.