February 14

[lost_boy]

I had spent a lot of time thinking about today, about what I could possibly do that might be special enough to consider it something different from a regular day out with Eddie. It had kept me up for a few nights one week, worrying whatever I did wouldn't be good enough, but in the end I had decided that something Nina told me a long time ago was right. It didn't matter if it was something special in terms of what other people wanted or expected, it only mattered if it was something the two of us enjoyed. As long as we had a good time, it didn't matter what anyone else thought.

I had struggled more over the gift than anything else. Everyone had ideas they were willing to give me and while some were better than others -- I was not giving him a personalized fanny pack, like Richie suggested -- none of them felt quite right. I didn't want to give Eddie flowers, and those stuffed bears holding hearts, while cute, were not quite personal enough for me.

A very nice woman at the flower shop had found me staring at roses and gently asked if they were what I really wanted. When I ended up confessing nearly my entire life story to her, she had smiled and taken me over to a corner where I had been able to build my own gift for Eddie. And now, sitting on my bed at the Home, I was holding a small cactus in a dark stone pot, studying it and trying to decide if it was the right gift. It was the one I had now anyway and I thought it was pretty. The leaves -- were they leaves? -- were a dark green and at the top of one were three tiny, dark pink flowers. Inside the pot was a special kind of soil, but then on top of the soil I had placed rocks collected from the amusement park, the first place we had gone together.

Suddenly I was worried it was a weird gift, but there was no going back now. Not with Eddie coming down the hall toward me.

Comments

[lost_boy]

I held the lion close, worrying my lower lip between my teeth as I watched Eddie. I wondered if maybe I should have gotten him something from the mall, something like what everyone else seemed to be getting for each other, but nothing had really felt like it was the right thing. Not until the cactus.

"Is it stupid?" I asked. I knew Eddie would never say it was, even if he didn't like it, but I thought I would be able to tell if he was lying or not. I felt as if we knew each other very well by now, certainly I knew him better than I knew anyone else in Darrow, and while I knew he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings, I did want to know whether or not he liked the gift.

"I thought you could put it by the window," I said and for a moment I was worried I might start to ramble. Eddie was still the only person who could make that happen. "Hopefully no one else tries to touch it."

[eddie_spaghetti]

"No! No, it's not stupid," Eddie said, clutching the pot protectively against his chest.

"I like it. A lot. It's way better than a stupid stuffed lion. I... kind of panicked," he admitted with a grimace, splotches of color raising on his cheeks. "I wanted to get you something special, but everything at the store seemed like it was meant for girls."

[lost_boy]

"It's not stupid," I said and I meant it. I held the lion out again and looked at him, then put him on my pillow. "I meant it, I love him. He... lions are meant to be brave, right? I read that somewhere, that lions were used as symbols of bravery. That's how you make me feel. Brave."

And the lion would remind me of that. When I was with Eddie, I felt like I could do new things. I felt like I didn't have to resort to all the tricks I had learned from Peter, I could be something else, something more, and it took courage to do that. But Eddie always made it seem easy.

I stepped closer, grinning helplessly, then lifted my hands to either side of Eddie's face so I could kiss him in thanks.

[eddie_spaghetti]

"Yeah? You, um. You make me feel brave, too," Eddie admitted in a rush, stepping forward to meet Jamie in a kiss that was a little overeager, teeth clashing and their bodies bowed awkwardly around the pot he still held against his chest.


"I'm glad you don't hate it. I've only given people like, candy and cards and stuff, and that was when we pretty much gave something to everybody in class."

When he started middle school, and they would sell different colored roses in the cafeteria for you to give to your girlfriends and secret crushes, Eddie had pretty much stopped participating in the holiday all together.

[lost_boy]

"I've never given anything to anyone either," I said with a laugh, my hands still on Eddie's face. The entire concept of Valentine's Day had been a strange one to me, but I liked it now, because I liked making Eddie happy and I liked having a day that meant we were supposed to do something special for each other.

"Come on," I said, dropping my hands. "Let's put the cactus down and go out. I thought we could go bowling. I've never been before and these girls at school were talking about it and said it was fun."

And it seemed fun. I liked the prospect of throwing a heavy ball at things.