lost_boy | (no subject)

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magnus

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I had a really big favour to ask of Magnus and I knew it was still months away, but it turned out, when the world was gentler, I was rather impatient. I could wait forever if I was hunting or if I knew the pirates were nearby and staying silent was the only way to stay safe, but this was different. This was fun.

Before Darrow, even though Peter would have told a very different story, I didn't have a lot of fun. It was difficult, being on that Island. I had been a hunter and a caretaker. A murderer and healer. A doctor and a parent. All the roles that required responsibility on the Island had been mine, even if I hadn't realized at the time. Looking back now, so much of my time there had been warped and twisted through Peter's dark vision.

But Darrow, for all the strangeness it held, offered me the chance to just be a boy, too. To have fun and do things because I wanted to, not only because I felt I had to. I thought I was being responsible, too. I was doing well in school and I hadn't been in a real fight in weeks, but I still couldn't just turn a blind eye when someone was getting picked on. What helped me there were the bullies who didn't want to admit they had been beaten up by me.

Admittedly, I still found fighting fun, but I was more excited for what I had to ask Magnus. I had texted him earlier, politely asking if he would meet me for tea, and I had told him I would pay. The workers at the Home had given me some of my money for it and I was waiting in a comfortable chair at a tea shop, sitting on my hands to prevent myself from squirming impatiently.

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The warlock lights up a touch when the tray arrives. He loves a good high tea, with all the finery and careful construction of it all. It's the kind of luxury that doesn't feel like gross indulgence but still means you're treating yourself. Plus, he gets to share the time with Jamie, which makes it better.

Magnus takes it upon himself to pour them each a cup elegantly.

He raises his brow with interest at the young man's opening.

"Oh? Do tell, darling. I'm all ears."

"I picked a birthday," I said, because that was the best place to start. "I still can't remember mine and I remember so little about London that I don't think it's going to come back to me any time soon, so I picked one. August twenty-third."

I had picked the day before Eddie first kissed me without even realizing it. Maybe subconsciously I had done it on purpose, but I hadn't realized until several hours later and I didn't mind. It was a good day, I felt right about it.

"I've never had a birthday party before either," I continued. "And I wondered maybe if you would let me use the pool at your mansion so I could have a proper birthday party this year. You wouldn't have to do anything, I would make sure everything is done and I would clean up after and we wouldn't have any alcohol. We would be smart and safe. I just..." I trailed off and grinned. "I just really like the pool."

Magnus' brows rise slightly, surprised and intrigued.

"On the cusp," he says. "Between Leo and Virgo. Technically a Virgo, but I can see some Leo in you as well. You've got more than enough heart for a lion." Likely, the zodiac ramblings will go right over Jamie's head, but Magnus can't help himself at times.

"But darling, I would be more than happy to host you and yours," he continues before the boy can go asking questions or worry that Magnus might say no. "But of course I'm doing something. I can't allow any party in my house to be anything less than fabulous."

"I don't know what any of that means," I said with a laugh, but I had an easier time admitting things like that. The more time I spent in Darrow, the more I understood it was okay that I didn't have all the answers. No one did. There was so much left out there for everyone to learn and I was happy to be learning it, but I felt there would always be one more thing. One more question I didn't know the answer to.

It was exciting a lot of the time.

My smile grew wider still when Magnus said we could use the pool and I squirmed happily in my seat for just a moment. "Thank you," I said, very genuinely pleased. "I just... the pool was so fun at that party. With all the colours and the lights. I love swimming and in a pool Eddie seems to worry less about what might be lurking under the water."

"The zodiac," Magnus explains. "Well, the Western zodiac. You see, they say that the stars that are in the sky when you are born help make you who you are. So if the sign of Leo is apparent when you're porn, you're more likely to be bold and brave, for example. Whereas Virgo, you're detail-oriented."

Never mind that it's all soft magic, not science. But it's fun to play around with at times, especially when you're young.

Magnus chuckles softly. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. And Eddie, too. Not a big fan of the ocean, is he? Understandable, especially around here."

I didn't think that made much sense, our personalities being decided by the way the stars looked when we were born, but I didn't say so. That wouldn't be very nice to say and there was no reason for it. Besides, I was detail-oriented, which is why Peter had made me plan all the raids for him until he decided he didn't trust me any longer.

"Well, he doesn't like getting dirty," I admitted. I didn't think that was a bad thing to tell Magnus. Eddie sometimes seemed embarrassed by things I didn't think were embarrassing. And he had seemed much less worried about gross body things on New Year's Eve when we had barricaded ourselves in that closet together.

That was a reasonable enough answer, Magnus supposed, so he didn't question it but nodded his head. Granted, the majority of boys Jamie's age that Magnus knew liked to get dirty, but that didn't mean the others, like Eddie, didn't exist and weren't valid in their desires.

Still...

"Well, he's missing out on a bit," Magnus says with a shrug. "But if it doesn't bother him, then that's all that matters. You should tell me more about him, you know. You haven't given me all the juicy details."

At those words, I flushed deeply, an involuntary reaction, because for the first time there were juicy details to share. Eddie and I had kissed a lot before the New Year's Eve party, but that evening had been the first time we had done so much more than just that.

"He's... we're really good," I answered, squirming in my chair a little and then taking my teacup so I could take a sip.

"We did a lot of stuff on New Year's Eve," I added in a rush, blushing deeper. "We hid in a closet because of the cookies and we... we did a bunch of stuff."

Magnus knows that there's a line here that he cannot cross. He can be Jamie's confidante and advisor, but as his friend, there are limitations. He's much, much older than the young man and showing too much interest definitely strays into the land of creepy, and no one wants that.

So instead of asking for more details, he gives Jamie an almost proud smile and a wink.

"And everything went well? You don't have any questions?"

"I don't think so," I answered. "At least not yet. It was... everything seemed to make a lot more sense once it was happening."

I was glad Magnus didn't ask for anything more. There were things Eddie and I had done together that I wanted to keep quiet, something just between the two of us, so I could say we had done some things, but that was where I wanted it to stay. It was like Magnus always understood what to do or say without ever having to ask and I liked that about him very much.

"We fell asleep in the closet, though," I said, laughing. "The woman who opened the door in the morning wasn't too happy."

The warlock nods his understanding with a gentle, knowing smile. "It always seems to work out that way. It's the nerves beforehand that'll get you. Once you let go and follow your instincts, everything falls into place. Provided you've got a good partner."

Which is what Jamie obviously had. Magnus needed to make a point of talking to Eddie, though he doesn't want to seek the boy out like he's on a mission to intimidate.

He chuckles. "Ah, screw her. That just means you had a good time."

"Besides the killer cookies, it was a lot of fun," I agreed with a grin, squirming a little in my seat again. I picked up my tea and took a long sip to cover that and to recover myself before I set it down once more.

"I've never really had a big New Year's Eve celebration like that," I told Magnus. "I've never done a lot of things until coming to Darrow, but I like the parties. I like yours the best, but being up on Kagura with all the lights and... well, all the champagne. That was nice, too."

I had nicked a few glasses and had gotten a little drunk, but I thought the champagne could be thanked for my bravery with Eddie that night.

Magnus rolls his eyes at the reminder of the killer cookies. He, too, had had fun with his significant other despite the kooky attack of the City's magic. It seems they both have built up their own immunity to the tricks of the City. Or at least love made one blind to some of the ridiculous (and sometimes horrific) acts of insane magic.

"There is something intensely romantic about Kagura," Magnus agrees without any offense. "I wouldn't try to replicate it. That seems gauche. But I like to add my own flare to make things a bit more fun than mistletoe."

"I don't like the mistletoe," I admitted, making a face. "Eddie got stuck and I didn't check my phone for almost an hour and he was so angry with me."

The kiss had been nice, even though he had been mad, or maybe even because he had been mad, but I hadn't liked that feeling. Of worrying that I had let him down somehow, done something wrong. It had made me feel a little like I did those first few months on the Island, although the difference between Peter and Eddie was that Eddie forgave me. Peter simply forgot he'd been slighted at all.

"And what if you got stuck and had to kiss someone else?" I asked. "What if I got stuck and had to kiss someone else? I would feel so terrible."

Maybe Eddie had been mad, but Magnus could help the smile that crept onto his features. He thought it amusing, in that no real harm was done but someone had to suffer a little kind of way. And it wasn't as if Jamie had been purposefully avoiding Eddie; it just happened.

The question, though, caught Magnus slightly off guard. On the one hand... a kiss had nearly ruined everything between him and Alec. On the other, this was different.

"It's mistletoe," Magnus said, a touch dismissive, though he could understand where Jamie was coming from. "It's the city messing with us, once again. I don't count anything like that as being a true kiss." He paused. "Alec probably wouldn't free anyone from the mistletoe, except under duress. But I helped one or two people and I don't feel guilty about it."

I considered that and decided Magnus was right, it wasn't necessarily and real kiss, but I would still feel guilty. Even if it wasn't a real kiss to me, Eddie might not feel the same way, and I never wanted to hurt him.

"How do you know if you love someone?" I asked curiously. It felt like an abrupt switch once I'd said it out loud, but I didn't think it was. For a long time now I had been wondering. I thought if I had to wonder, maybe I wasn't there quite yet, because everyone seemed to say it was something you just knew.

I thought I had known with Sal, but it felt different with Eddie.

Oh. Oh, dear. He hadn't been expecting that question.

Magnus didn't think he was the wrong person to ask, necessarily. He had loved (and lost) dozens, hundreds even, of times in the past. Some turned out to be mere infatuations and some never got off the ground for various reasons, but he knew love.

The problem was that love was such a tricksy thing that he wasn't sure he had a good answer.

He sighed gently, considering his answer.

"It's different, I think, for every person. But, when I know that I love someone, it just comes to me. They'll do something small and insignificant and I'll feel this rush go through me like... like nothing else. And I know that I don't ever want to be without them. It's the sense that you'd do anything to make them happy. To care for them."

He realized he was speaking a bit of Catarina now as well as Alec.

"They are the most important thing. Their happiness."

I liked that answer and I smiled as Magnus spoke, still looking down at my tea. There were days when I thought maybe I loved Eddie. Or, if I didn't already, that I would soon, but I was never sure which feelings I could trust. Which feelings were really love and which were something else.

But I liked what Magnus was saying. It made sense to me.

"Thank you," I said, looking up at him again. "For answering me seriously. I feel like most people think just because we're young we don't feel things like that or that we don't know what we're feeling and I don't think that's true."

"Ah, they're all idiots," Magnus said with a dismissive wave of his hand. He didn't believe in the idea that the young didn't understand, didn't feel like adults. They might be more naive, more innocent, but that didn't change their ability to feel.

"Never let anyone tell you that what you're feeling isn't.. right or real or invalid in anyway. They're not worth your time if they do."

I liked that, the way Magnus took me seriously even though I was still young. It made me feel like I could trust some of the grown ups here in Darrow, like it would be okay, as long as I could stay here forever. If I left, I wasn't sure where I would go anyway, except back to the pirates, and while that seemed less daunting than it once had, I preferred this life.

"Thank you," I said again. "I like it here. I like... I'm glad we're friends."

I had a lot of friends here. It made me feel so much less lonely than I had thought growing up would be.

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