Jamie seems flustered, which in itself is slightly unusual. Of the two of us, I am much more likely to get flustered. Take, for example, what I do when Jamie tells me that he plans to propose to Eddie. I become very flustered.

I try to keep my expression as neutral as possible as I process the swirl of dizzying emotion that hits me all at once, but my face drains of color as an anxious flush rushes down my body. It's not as if this is bad news. This is very happy, very wonderful news. I am so glad for them, but the topic of marriage in any form is one that I try to keep hidden away in a little box so I don't constantly think about how I am a twenty-two year old divorcé. I want so badly to be married again, and I know that it's selfish to think about myself at all in such a joyous moment, but I have long since given up on trying to pretend that I am not, at least occasionally, a selfish prick.

It takes a moment for my brain to reboot and eventually I shake myself a little, swallowing hard and then doing my very best to shovel all of that selfish negativity back into that little box in my brain, because this is Jamie's moment and I am thrilled for him. A little scared, too. It feels almost like hubris, at this point, to make such a declaration here in Darrow, but I keep that to myself as well.

"Jamie!" I blurt out, pushing myself up from the table to come around and give him a hug while he's still sitting down, feeling my eyes water as I bury my face in his unruly hair. "That's amazing. I'm so happy for you."

And I am, truly. I can feel many things, all at once, but most of all I am happy for my brother.